Three People You Must Have in Your Life

There are three types of people every Christian should have in his or her life. The Christian life is one lived in community where people are sharpened, encouraged, convicted, and edified by other people. One of the biggest ploys of the enemy is to get the believer alone, believing that his life is better off lived that way. Alone we atrophy; but in community we are pruned by the uniqueness of the other as we grow as the family of God.

With this said, each Christian should have at least one mentor, companion, and disciple in his or her life. To say it differently, we should have a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy to commune with in this earthly wilderness. Two of these are easy, while one is less so.

A mentor is someone you look up to. They are more seasoned in the faith. Their Christian life is one you admire and seek to exemplify. A mentor should not be a dead person or author. This would be a cop-out. Rather, he or she must be one who is in your life, who loves you and cares for your well being. Your mentor must be strong and intentional enough to confront your sins, address your weaknesses, and encourage your strengths. He or she should be able to lead you to the finish line of faith.

A companion is a little different than a mentor. Barnabas was a companion to Paul as Joshua was to Caleb. Companions are typically on the same spiritual plane as we are. The flow of benefits and needs tends to go both ways. While a mentor knows more about what it means to be [like] Christ, a companion knows more about what it means to be you. They can relate better and tend to know more about you than any other. Companions know all your junk and strive to address all of that junk redemptively. Mentors lead you to the finish line of faith, while companions carry you across.

A disciple is the most difficult person to have in your life. They are a Timothy to Paul, and a Joshua to Moses. They follow you, listen to you, and seek to exemplify things about you. To state it differently: you lead them, you teach them, and you live a life before them worthy of exemplifying. They are spiritual children. You must care enough to confront their sins, help their weaknesses, and encourage their strengths.

Mentors and companions tend to fill us, while disciples tend to drain us. This sounds more negative than it really should. There are enjoyable things we do that fill us (like eating); and there are enjoyable things we do that drain us (like playing a sport).

Quite honestly, if there is one person lacking in most people's lives, it is the disciple. We live in a culture that is overpopulated with the "married-without-children" social group. We like being fed, but often resist feeding others. We like being taught, but resist teaching others. We like choosing our biblical subjects, but resist learning what someone else needs to know. This whole Christian thing is great, as long as I don't have to be inconvenienced by the needs of someone less sanctified. Too many people believe they need to "enjoy their Christianity" before they have "christian children."

If mentors and companions fill our heads with theology, disciples tend to drag that theology into our hearts. Because this is a painful process of "losing one's life" and "carrying one's cross" we tend to neglect the disciple making process. Evangelism now becomes risky. What if they believe? If they accept Christ, they become a spiritual newborn we must feed, care for, and raise up in the faith.

Mentors and companions may tell us to get into the Word, but disciples force us to get into the Word. They ask questions and need answers. They need theology that is processed and more digested. Most disciples need the spiritual bread of good doctrine that has been baked in the oven of our own experience. Disciples do a great deal of keeping us in the faith. If we fall, they may fall. If we grow, they stand a greater chance to grow. Therefore, we cannot fall; we must grow.

This concept is nothing new. You may have read it in a book or heard your friend or pastor talking about it. Nevertheless, it is needed. I hope this encourages you.

The Most Significant Thing About A Christian Home is Not That It is Clean

There are families that I look up to. The way they manage their home, and their children is admirable and worthy of exemplifying. Things just work for them. The wife is able to do everything she needs to do and the husband does the same. The house is always tidy, vacuumed and dusted. It is quiet, peaceful and...Christian.

At least this is what the homes look like while we are there. Most of us get our lives and homes together before company arrives only to let everything "fall back into place" after they leave. Therefore, setting our expectations this high is nothing short of unreasonable and even burdensome.

I am coming to find that the last word that should be used to describe a Christian and his/her home is "tidy." Not that tidy is bad, but it should be preceded by a number of other, more significant, adjectives.

Most of us live in homes that fall well short of biblical norms and cultural expectations. And many of us try so hard striving to reach those norms and expectations that we live with the constant cloud of condemnation over our heads. I know I can fall into the trap of trying to get my home to look like what I'd like my life to look like - clean, controlled, sinless, without chaos, and perfect.

During these times a few comments by Jay Adams in his book Christian Living in the Home, are particularly helpful. He writes, "The first and most important fact to remember about a truly Christian home is that sinners live there. The notion that the Christian home is a perfect or near perfect place is decidedly not biblical...A truly Christian home is a place where sinners live; but it is also a place where the members of that home admit the fact and understand the problem, know what to do about it, and as a result grow by grace."

This helps me cope with the imperfections that I see in my home. This also helps me to notice my family when I come home from work, rather than immediately notice what may need to be picked up. The standard for my home, in one very significant sense, has been met in Christ. In him we can rest. In him we are clean, peaceful, and Christian.

Yes, if you come to my home, chances are you will see some sin. But we must be thankful that, unlike all others, Christ doesn't shy away from sin. In the midst of the Christian home is Christ, who saves the sinners who live there.

How I Personally Fight Against Porn in My Own Life

While the article referenced in yesterday's post was excellent in describing the slavish effects associated with pornography, it was void of any tangible ways a person may win their war against it. That doesn't make the article less powerful. Its purpose was to be more descriptive than prescriptive. And that's why I am writing this post - to be more prescriptive than descriptive.

I fight the war often. It is something I despise about this fallen world. There is a battle around every corner; an unknown, imposed image under every rock, that threatens to introduce, yet again, something my heart should desire more than God. Pornographic images have the ability to lead us into the abyss of passionate irrationality. We know it doesn't make sense, but we love it anyway. We all know it will bring guilt and pain, yet we watch anyway. When we feel the wave of temptation, our hearts begin a ravaging quest for the justification of immorality.

I know the battle too well. I know what it's like to lose it. I know what it's like to watch my wife weep after she hears I have looked upon another woman lustfully. But, I also know what it's like to win it. Beyond all of my previous expectations, I know what it's like to live without fear of being condemned with shame and guilt tomorrow. I never thought I would see a day when I would feel freedom. 

I also know, however, that this dragon does not completely die (yet). There is something to the AA line - once an addict, always an addict. It is not uncommon for me to speak of victory only to have the war waged all over again soon after.  

Here are some ways that I continue to fight my war against pornography:  

I take every precaution I can to keep "triggers" out of my life. I have removed the Safari, Google, and other internet browsing apps from my phone. I simply cannot access them. I have found that if I do not have access, I am less tempted. 

I have the "delete apps" option disabled in my restriction settings (which are passcode protected). That way if I decide in a moment of weakness to download a browsing app, I won't be able to delete it. My accountability partners know to check my phone often. If they find this type of app, they smell blood and quickly go in for the kill. 

Covenant Eyes has a browsing app that is pretty good. I really miss Safari on my phone, but CE is sufficient.

I don't watch television very much at all. Anything I cannot control, I steer away from. Netflix is a good option. I simply got sick of being bombarded with half-naked women on regular television. 

I typically don't go to the beach or swimming pools either. This is a real inconvenience for my family, but it is a sacrifice that my wife is willing to make. I will usually go to these places when I know they are "under control." I will go to private pools and beaches early on week days. I simply cannot go to a place where it is completely acceptable for women to wear underwear. This is no judgment at all - it is just the reality of my situation. I wish it wasn't so.

I avoid being alone during vulnerable times. This is less of a problem for me now that I am married with four kids. But should my family go out of town, I stay at a friend's house or Starbucks until I am ready for bed. Even then I am in communication with my wife over the phone. When I go home, I go to bed. 

Being tired, bored, and/or lonely is a breading ground for pornographic temptation.

I look down a lot. Too much of what women wear these days is completely immodest. So, I fight to bounce my eyes. When I see immodesty I simply drag my eyes the other way. A woman's flesh is a magnet for a man's eyes. Women should know that low and tight clothing attracts visual attention. If I see it, I will immediately look away. Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes its not.

Removing triggers really does help. But it doesn't solve the issue completely. 

I have personal accountability in my life who love me enough to dig around. My wife and three other men make up my accountability team. If I struggle, I tell them. They all get my Covenant Eyes report on a regular basis and are faithful to call should something look fishy. By the way, if you are someone's accountability partner, always call if you see something fishy. If I feel as if my reports are not scrubbed, I am more tempted to go to sites.

If I should fall, they are there to address my fallenness redemptively and in a Christ-centered way. They love me enough to be hurt by my actions. And they love Christ enough to talk to me about him while they are hurting. 

These tangible experiences have been, by far, the most redemptive in my life. They are tangible representations of grace, forgiveness, justification and the cross. They hurt, but they heal. The Holy Spirit is necessary for both as one struggles to confess while the other struggles to forgive. Grace is sufficient.

I regularly receive counseling. This helps me know my own heart. I have people in my life who search me out, who ask tough questions, and who are skilled to handle the mess of my life. Find these people and commune with them often. 

I wish I could say that Scripture memory has helped, but it hasn't all that much. This is something that I am working on. The Scriptures are sufficient for this though, just not in that way (right now). They have been sufficient to lead me to Christ. Understanding his Lordship in my life has broken the chains that previously bound me. 

Entrusting myself to his control has been the most helpful. Pornography was my way to gain control of my life. When things get chaotic, it get tempted. But now, when I am tempted, I meditate and reflect on Christ's Lordship - his control, his presence and his authority. I also reflect on his sacrifice on my behalf that makes it judicially possible for the Father to smile upon this mess of a man. When I ponder his smile, I am less tempted to sin.

I hope this post has been helpful for you. The battle must be won through faith and repentance on a daily basis. The battle must be fought in community and not alone. It is not a matter of going from sinful to sinless - from lustful to "lustless." He does wash us, but we cannot simply stop our hearts from going after other gods. We must cling to him daily. Sanctification is a process. The Lord is faithful to slay this dragon through many episodes of wounding and healing. There is hope. There is freedom.

Here are some other posts that may help:

How Women Can Help in the Battle Against Porn 

How a Woman Set Me Free from Porn

Putting Porn to Death (A 3-Part Series I wrote for Holy Culture)

Poem Written by a Wife Devastated by Her Husband's Porn Use

The Gospel and Porn

One of the Best Articles on Pornography I Have Read

This article by Lauren Dubinsky of the Huffington Post is one of the best articles I have read on pornography. When you take the time to consider the weight of what she is actually doing -- openly and honestly speaking about her addiction to pornography and its effects in her life -- you cannot help but appreciate her sacrifice, courage and transparency.

The parts of the article that I found most profound were:

"Pornography was easy, and I never exactly knew why it was bad, particularly since I wasn't actually having sex. To me, it was just something dirty that you probably shouldn't have anything to do with. But "probably shouldn't" never stands up against loneliness and boredom."

"Even while I wasn't "addicted" to watching pornography, I always wanted more. It existed as a guaranteed time-filler and pleasure-bringer, and when you get an hour to yourself, that's an easy default. An easy default activity that establishes a heavy precedence in what you do with your next bad night."

"I wish someone would have told me that the kind of pornography you're most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life, further injuring your brokenness."

"I wish someone had talked about how women watch it too, so I wouldn't have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being "the only one" and thinking there was something wrong with me."

The heart behind this article is far more important than its actual words. We all have heard or read similar things before. The rarity is found in the writer. And as more and more people begin addressing the issue with honesty and transparency in a gospel-centered way, I believe we will see more and more victories of faith, hope and love.

You can read the entire article here.

Christ in the Old Testament

I am preaching a series this summer on Christ in the Old Testament. This is a seven-part series in which I am preaching Christ from the different Old Testament genres - Law, History, Poets, Wisdom Literature, and Prophets.

The purpose of the series is to show how the Lord has been faithful to accomplish his redemptive purposes for his people, through Christ, throughout human history.

You can access the sermons here on Grace Community Church's website.

Why Boys Want to Be Heroes and Men Want to Watch Heroes

In the beginning, after the fall, there began the war between the two lines - the seed of the serpent and the seed of the woman. The serpent desires his own name glorified, and he is willing to stop at nothing to have his purpose fulfilled. The seed of the woman calls upon the name of the Lord and humbly acts as an agent to bring God's ultimate purposes about on earth. The climax of almost every story in history is experienced when the seed of the serpent seems to win the day. The threat of evil ultimately triumphing brings each and every one of us anxiously to the edge of our seat. We long for good to prevail.

Many authors and screen writers pick up on this and build their plot around it. From Jerry and Tom, James J. Braddock and Corn Griffin (from Cinderella Man), He-Man and Skelator (I just went way back!), to Batman and the Joker; billions are spent depicting the murderous intent (a.k.a. enmity; cf. Gen 3:15) between the two sides, in order that we might see and experience, on a screen or in a book, the war that really lies within our own hearts. We so deeply desire the victory in our own lives that we will spend time and resources to see it in someone else's (fiction or non).

This is also why almost every young boy wants to be a policeman. This is why my son loves super heroes. They always win the day over evil. They are strong, saving, and heroic. They give assurance to us that good will win.

Somewhere along the temporal line, however, boys cease desiring to be the good guy and resort to watching the good guy. Somewhere in our lives we sink from wanting to fight against evil to purchasing movies about another fighting against evil. In our youth we want to be good, but in our adulthood we are just fine watching someone else be good. Why is this?

After considering it for a few days, I have a few thoughts concerning the matter.

One reason is that boys are not weighed down with worldly worries and responsibilities. They are so sure of their provision that they can focus on providing for others. They are so comforted in their father's protection, they can focus on protecting others. With all their needs taken care of, they can focus on taking care of the needs of others.

Another reason is that too many boys are going unprotected and uncorrected. The image of God in all of us desires good to win. But being born into sin that image is marred. If left without godly nurture and admonition, sin degrades from bad to worse. A boy who once loved He-Man soon sides with Skelator. He takes down his posters of Batman and replaces them with posters of the Joker. His deep desire for good, is debased into a deep love for evil. A boy who once amused us, becomes a man who lives to abuse us. He's not funny anymore - except maybe to himself.

A lot of it begins in the home. When fathers distrust the provision of their heavenly father, they simply don't have time to be the hero. Too worried about saving their own lives, they lose them. And a lost life always drags others down with it. A father obsessed with his own ultimate needs, denies the protection and provision of the Lord who has repeatedly shown himself sufficient for the task. Too many fathers today are too stressed to see the sparrow.

Consequently, too many fathers are teaching their sons to be obsessed with self - their own desires, wants, dreams, and even morals. Others are nothing more than expendable hindrances who get in our way as we make a name for ourselves.

In these cases the serpent has done his job. He began at an early age. He sunk his fangs in ever so slowly. But his time is short. His fatal wound, prophesied long ago (Gen3:15) and secured at Calvary, is now on the redemptive horizon. Our good Hero will come with a shout, and his white robes will be dipped in the blood of his enemies as he treads them in the winepress of God's wrath (Rev19:13). This is the true story of Christ. This is the great story of our good Lord.

My Initial Thoughts Concerning the Colorado Massacre

I read articles Saturday concerning the Colorado Massacre. I looked at the pictures of family members who were ripped apart by one man's actions. Then I looked at the portrait of that man, the smirk on his face, particular facial features, and I recognized a strange feeling in my stomach. Well, no, it was deeper than my stomach. In the english language we use phrases like, "in the depth of my being." Something changed there as my inner condition went from ok to not-ok.

The point of this post is not ethical, but metaphysical. I am simply desiring to put my emotions down as they are (metaphysical), without really addressing whether they are wrong or right (ethical). As an image bearer, I cannot help but feel something; and, as a pastor, I cannot help but express what I am feeling.

At first I felt (and still feel) an intense hatred and anger. The intensity only grew as I looked at the agony of family members along side the smirk of the murderer. My heart immediately cried out for vindication. I found some comfort in the promises of God to vindicate all wrong doing. But there was something inside of me that wanted more. I wanted to see it. I wanted him to suffer here and suffer soon. And I began to think of ways that he may feel pain for what he did - like when he gets to prison and is subject to the general population who will pummel him. My heart imagined the scenario and lingered there to find peace. The peace never came.

Then, my father side came to the front of my mind. What if one of my children were in the theater. What if I was that father in the picture. I quickly began thinking of ways to fully protect my family. As I considered the impossibility of the task, I sunk into despair. And then I remembered the Lord's faithfulness, his protection, and his home that he is building for us in glory. Should my children die in an incident like this, I would have nothing but Christ to cling to - my Judge, my King, my Sovereign. I cannot even imagine the pain, the hopelessness, and the suffering. Not only are lives gone, but the lives that remain are changed forever. They will ever be marked in this life by this incident.

In my comforted times, I desire a long life. But in times like this, I find a certain refuge in that this life is but a breath.

My emotions were soon brought into check by my theological commitments. Was what I was feeling right? Should I hate this man? Should I be angry? I felt like it was more right to want him damned to hell than saved unto glory. I felt like I was completely disregarding the suffering of the victim's loved ones by even considering the fact that this individual was "savable." I know that hatred in my heart is the equivalent to murder; but this is different. People are dead. Funerals are being planned. Yes, all sin is heinous before God; but not all sins are equally so (WSC 83).

This man's actions were not only murderous towards people, but they were murderous towards God. To murder an image bearer is to desire the Image gone - this man wanted God dead. And I found some comfort in that the Lord hates the wicked and the one who loves violence (Psa. 11:5); and, that he will destroy all who attempt to suppress him with murderous intent. I find comfort in that the Lord's feelings toward this event are more true, intense, faithful, just and right than mine will ever be. He is completely free to treat him with the upmost severity as well as look upon him in the most miraculous mercy.

My heart goes out to the families of all who are involved. My prayers are with them as well. As we are all reminded of the depth of man's fall, I pray also we would throw ourselves upon the Lord's throne of mercy and grace during this time of great need.