My Initial Thoughts Concerning the Colorado Massacre

I read articles Saturday concerning the Colorado Massacre. I looked at the pictures of family members who were ripped apart by one man's actions. Then I looked at the portrait of that man, the smirk on his face, particular facial features, and I recognized a strange feeling in my stomach. Well, no, it was deeper than my stomach. In the english language we use phrases like, "in the depth of my being." Something changed there as my inner condition went from ok to not-ok.

The point of this post is not ethical, but metaphysical. I am simply desiring to put my emotions down as they are (metaphysical), without really addressing whether they are wrong or right (ethical). As an image bearer, I cannot help but feel something; and, as a pastor, I cannot help but express what I am feeling.

At first I felt (and still feel) an intense hatred and anger. The intensity only grew as I looked at the agony of family members along side the smirk of the murderer. My heart immediately cried out for vindication. I found some comfort in the promises of God to vindicate all wrong doing. But there was something inside of me that wanted more. I wanted to see it. I wanted him to suffer here and suffer soon. And I began to think of ways that he may feel pain for what he did - like when he gets to prison and is subject to the general population who will pummel him. My heart imagined the scenario and lingered there to find peace. The peace never came.

Then, my father side came to the front of my mind. What if one of my children were in the theater. What if I was that father in the picture. I quickly began thinking of ways to fully protect my family. As I considered the impossibility of the task, I sunk into despair. And then I remembered the Lord's faithfulness, his protection, and his home that he is building for us in glory. Should my children die in an incident like this, I would have nothing but Christ to cling to - my Judge, my King, my Sovereign. I cannot even imagine the pain, the hopelessness, and the suffering. Not only are lives gone, but the lives that remain are changed forever. They will ever be marked in this life by this incident.

In my comforted times, I desire a long life. But in times like this, I find a certain refuge in that this life is but a breath.

My emotions were soon brought into check by my theological commitments. Was what I was feeling right? Should I hate this man? Should I be angry? I felt like it was more right to want him damned to hell than saved unto glory. I felt like I was completely disregarding the suffering of the victim's loved ones by even considering the fact that this individual was "savable." I know that hatred in my heart is the equivalent to murder; but this is different. People are dead. Funerals are being planned. Yes, all sin is heinous before God; but not all sins are equally so (WSC 83).

This man's actions were not only murderous towards people, but they were murderous towards God. To murder an image bearer is to desire the Image gone - this man wanted God dead. And I found some comfort in that the Lord hates the wicked and the one who loves violence (Psa. 11:5); and, that he will destroy all who attempt to suppress him with murderous intent. I find comfort in that the Lord's feelings toward this event are more true, intense, faithful, just and right than mine will ever be. He is completely free to treat him with the upmost severity as well as look upon him in the most miraculous mercy.

My heart goes out to the families of all who are involved. My prayers are with them as well. As we are all reminded of the depth of man's fall, I pray also we would throw ourselves upon the Lord's throne of mercy and grace during this time of great need.