Sex, Rhianna and Redbook

While Rhiann's new song, S&M, is far from a family sing along, it is terribly profound; ironically indicating just how empty this girl (as well as our culture) really is.  If Rhianna is telling the truth, then she is one who feels good being good at being bad (how's that for an expression!), and who likes to experience affliction while having sex.  At the end of her "afflicting" experiences, however, instead of being fulfilled, she is left "wanting more."

I do want to make myself clear.  I am not saying that just because a person is left "wanting more" after having sexual intercourse, that they are out of line.  I think it is perfectly normal for a person to want more sex after having sex.  Nor am I advocating a limited scope of sexual positions and/or practices that a couple may choose from in order to be ethically "in line."

This brings me to my next point.

If it is sexual positions and practices that we are wanting, we are surely not lacking in that department either.  I am personally amazed by the ability of magazines like Redbook and Cosmopolitan to come up with "new" ways to make our sex lives better.  Heck, why do we even need to talk to our spouse when all we have to do is read "75 moves your lover wishes you knew" or "2,756 ways to make him/her scream" or "543,789.333333 positions to make him/her come back for more." Give me a break.

My point is simple.  If we need that many moves, positions, songs, "afflictions" or whatever to be sexually satisfied, then we are one desperate people.  Sex is not God.  It will not ultimately fulfill.  Sex is merely a shadow of the excitement and satisfaction that we have in Jesus Christ our Lord.  Yes, sex is meant to direct our eyes Godward - it is designed to bring Him glory.

But if we refuse to repent of this idolatry, we will continue distorting this God-glorifying and God-honoring practice.  If we fail to direct people toward Christ, we will be enslaved by the tyrannous lie that sex is ultimately fulfilling - leaving singles, as well as those who are in some way sexually disabled, in utter despair.  In other words, even if you cannot have sex, God's grace is sufficient for you.  Instead of distorting sex, embrace Christ.

So, save yourself the money it would cost to buy that Redbook issue or Rhianna's latest hit, and take your spouse out to coffee.  And instead of listening to some "expert", try asking your spouse what sexually satisfies them.  How's that for a novel idea?

As our culture continues to distort sex, it is our duty to proclaim the glorious nature of sex within the Christ-centered marital context.  Rhianna has no idea, nor does Redbook even come close to describing the pleasure of real sex, between a husband and wife, who are continually communicating their desires, and who are glorifying the Christ who bought them.

How A Woman Set Me Free From Porn

It was about five and a half years ago.  I sat on the couch looking at my wife.  I had something to tell her.  I felt as if there was a war going on inside of me.  I would almost vocalize when every involuntary protective measure retaliated, full-force, to stop me.  It was awful.

For the first year of our marriage, I took great pride in my ability to wake up early, before she did, to study my Bible.  Day after day, I read and read and read.  But there was a wall.  My prayers were seemingly hindered.  I had something to tell my wife.  It was like the Lord was telling me to leave worship to make things right.  I resolved that day that I would.  Again, it was awful.

So, we were sitting there, after dinner if I remember correctly.  Inside, however, I felt as if I was standing on the edge of a great confessional cliff.  There is fire down there you know.  One more step and I was sure to take an eternal plunge.  My death by exposure was inevitable.  At first, I could only cough.  But it was enough to get her attention.  She asked me if I had something to say.

This was the most dreadful moment of my life.  My affair with pornography, though secretly kept from her eyes, was producing noticeable fruit in our marriage - strife, frustration, condemnation, lack of sexual desire, and a host of other things.  Dragging this sin out of its dark closet was more strenuous than I could have ever imagined.  But His grace was sufficient for me.  I told her just how awful I was.

For the next hour, she wept.  Her voice was filled with righteous anger, hurt and sorrow.  I had never seen another person hurt so much because of my sin.  I had stepped off of the cliff.  I was falling to the bottom.  But I didn't care.  My apparent death paled in comparison to the dying that I was watching right in front of me.  She felt awful.

And then it happened.  She came and sat close to me.  As she looked at me, my falling went into slow motion.  And when she embraced me with tearful forgiveness, I felt safely broken.  Because she wept, I could tell that she loved me.  And because she forgave, it was obvious that she loved Another.  That was the first time I physically felt justification by faith.  It was amazing.  I will never be the same.

My deepest sin was keeping me from understanding the deepest love.  At that moment I finally understood what it felt like to be fully accepted.  Christ, through my wife, showed me His redeeming love.

I write this because it is my testimony.  That night I saw the militant love of Christ, in my wife, murder my sin.  That night pornography lost its life line, and my love for it has been withering ever since.  Katie has been the single most important instrument in this war.  She continues to provide an environment where confession is safe and where the gospel is center.  She doesn't treat my sin as if it doesn't matter.  And she doesn't give me what I justly deserve.  Rather, she helps me by bearing with me.  She helps me take my sins to Jesus - to the Cross.

As pornography continues to ravage our world, it is imperative for wives (and women) to understand they can make a difference.  I am living proof that women do not have to be objectively distorted by men; but that they can be redemptively deliberate in setting men free.

Thank you my love.  Because of Christ, in you, I am a new man.


 

Putting Porn to Death (Part 2 of 3)

I believe C.S. Lewis wrote that the enemy will gladly take your cold to give you cancer.  In this post, part 2 of Putting Porn to Death, I talk about how many of us put the idol of porn down only to pick up another.

See the article here on HolyCulture.net

Do I Have to Have Sex with My Spouse Whenever They Ask?

Here is a great video that answers (or begins to answer) a question that is asked by many spouses.  I personally love the ministry at CCEF.



(HT: Challies)