It's a pretty common occurrence in our home. We will tell our children to do something and find a few moments later that the something has not been done. In response, I usually ask them, "Why didn't you do what I told you to do?" More times than not, they will avoid answering my question altogether and immediately begin doing the something.
My tendency is to let this fly. I mean, why not? The ultimate goal is accomplished - they did the something right? Wrong. The goal is not to merely get the something done, but to get it done from an obedient heart. We want to raise Christians not Pharisees. When we simply allow our children to flip the proverbial switch from disobedience to obedience, we fail to teach them the most distinguishing and significant practice of the Christian life - repentance and faith.
We shouldn't fool ourselves though. We do this too. And it would not be completely incorrect to say that our children have learned it from us. In our typical routine we listen to sermons, read books as well as our Bible. After learning that we have been living some part of our lives wrongly, we make a decision to change. It's pretty simple. I was doing this wrongly, I need to do it rightly. I resolve now to do it rightly. Case closed.
While this recipe of living may produce a behaving community, it really produces a very superficial and critical pack of religious wolves.
Living wrongly may affect us, but it does not affect only us. As Christians under the Lordship of Christ, our lives are deeply personal and moral. Sin always affects someone else, especially our personal God. Switching the obedient switch is like telling your spouse after you have committed adultery, "It's okay babe, I have listened to a sermon. I won't do that anymore. Let's hug." All this does is communicate that we could care less about everyone but ourselves. Everyone else is valueless - they don't matter.
When we slow down, however, to consider how we have deeply offended someone by our disobedient behavior, we communicate that they matter - that their life is valuable. Before we take an obedient step with our feet, we must make a confessional statement with our lips. When we repent, we acknowledge all of who they are and all of who we are. We are not religious success stories, we are fallen sinners.
This repentance produces both deep humility and deep faith. Taking the time to mourn our sin provides the context for understanding that our righteousness is as filthy rags. This repentance forces us to look beyond ourselves for righteousness. It causes us to reach for the One who is perfect in obedience and who alone can repair our fallenness. Clinging to Christ this way is the way of repentance and faith.
When we skim past repentance we communicate that we are the ones that matter and that we can obtain righteousness in our own strength. But when we repent and embrace Christ, we communicate that He is the One that matters and that we desperately need His strength to do anything at all.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Raising Boys To Men Through Work
I have been reading a lot lately on raising men. I have a 3 year old son. I want to begin raising him to be a godly man. One resource that I have found to be tremendously helpful is Doug Wilson's, Future Men
. In it Wilson discusses masculinity, fatherhood, sin, laziness, liberty and much more, all from a biblical perspective. Scriptural references probably make up about fifteen percent of the entire book.
I was challenged and encouraged today when I read about laziness and work. Wilson states:
We were created to work. But when sin entered, God in His wisdom saw that thorns and thistles were now needed (Gen 3:17-19). In His grace, God cursed the ground. Just as the law is a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ, so is the sweat of the brow...
And so this is why boys need to be taught and disciplined in physical labor. Of course it is not an end in itself - the point should always be grace - but in the hands of wise parents, hard physical work is an important part of a boy's discipleship. He needs to know what it is like to be exhausted, to have callouses on his hands, and to work when his body does not really want to anymore. He needs this; God said so.
I was challenged because, in my own laziness, I'd rather pay someone to do most of the physical labor around my house. But hired labor is not going to father my son. I must repent of any laziness and faithfully work with my little boy. I think I'll have him weed-eat this weekend! Not really...
I was also encouraged and so thankful for my father, who regularly woke me up on Saturdays to help him work around the house. As a teen, these were less than desired times. Sleeping was preferable to building a deck or fence. But, looking back, those times were deeply satisfying. Much of what my dad taught me remains with me to this day. For the most part, I can work with my hands. This was given to me by a father who loved me enough to teach me about work. Thanks Andy for being such a great father.
. In it Wilson discusses masculinity, fatherhood, sin, laziness, liberty and much more, all from a biblical perspective. Scriptural references probably make up about fifteen percent of the entire book.I was challenged and encouraged today when I read about laziness and work. Wilson states:
We were created to work. But when sin entered, God in His wisdom saw that thorns and thistles were now needed (Gen 3:17-19). In His grace, God cursed the ground. Just as the law is a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ, so is the sweat of the brow...
And so this is why boys need to be taught and disciplined in physical labor. Of course it is not an end in itself - the point should always be grace - but in the hands of wise parents, hard physical work is an important part of a boy's discipleship. He needs to know what it is like to be exhausted, to have callouses on his hands, and to work when his body does not really want to anymore. He needs this; God said so.
I was challenged because, in my own laziness, I'd rather pay someone to do most of the physical labor around my house. But hired labor is not going to father my son. I must repent of any laziness and faithfully work with my little boy. I think I'll have him weed-eat this weekend! Not really...
I was also encouraged and so thankful for my father, who regularly woke me up on Saturdays to help him work around the house. As a teen, these were less than desired times. Sleeping was preferable to building a deck or fence. But, looking back, those times were deeply satisfying. Much of what my dad taught me remains with me to this day. For the most part, I can work with my hands. This was given to me by a father who loved me enough to teach me about work. Thanks Andy for being such a great father.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
How Parents Can Love Their Children Through Discipline
Here are a few principles for parents in disciplining their children. These are taken from Douglas Wilson, who states that the methods of discipline are not as important as the principles that underly the disciplinary process. So here are some of the principles he highlights.
As we parent, our discipline must be:
Practiced by faith. Parents must ensure that discipline in the home clings to God's promises on the subject. As Christians, we discipline out of obedience to God, and we trust that He will bless us accordingly.
Affectionate. This is taken directly from Hebrews 12 which states, "whom the Lord loves He chastens." Discipline, in the biblical context, represents love, affection, and identification. Wilson states, "A man who refuses to discipline his son is, in effect, disinheriting him." Failure to discipline is failure to love.
Judicial as well as spiritual (Gal 6:1). Discipline must always follow a trespass. We discipline our children by faith in the Lord who is both loving and just. As we look to Him in our disciplining, our children will look to Him in their repenting.
Swift (Gal 6:7; Prov 13:24). We are also teaching our children the principle of sowing and reaping. There are consequences to our actions. God is faithful to respond to our obedience as well as our disobedience. In order to teach this principle effectively, the time between sowing and reaping should be as short as possible.
Painful (Heb 12:11). If it is not painful, it is not discipline, nor is it loving (also cf. Prov 13:24). It must be done swiftly and must always be followed by comforting love. Wilson adds, "A man who is incapable of lovingly encouraging his children after discipline is not qualified to exercise any discipline at all."
Followed by instruction and prayer. If the child has any questions after being disciplined, they should be answered. Prayer is also appropriate at this time. The Lord, who the child has ultimately disobeyed, is present and forgiving - the breach of fellowship is now gone. The parents should also take special care to be cheerful and warm.
Effective (Heb 12:11b). Discipline is different than punishment in that it is corrective. It seeks a change in character and behavior. If it is not having this effect, then it is not discipline. Change the method, not the principle.
According to biblical standards (Mt 15:9). The difference between house rules and God's rules should be clearly maintained. The child must know and understand the biblical standards that constitute and command his covenantal obedience. For example: God does not require that a child not throw a ball in the house. But God does require children to obey their parents - this is why they must not throw a ball in the house.
Very simply, our children must understand that they must live under the Lordship of Christ in faith and obedience. His Word is clear about how we should do this. Scripture, therefore, should follow discipline - especially those that speak of the blessings that follow obedience to parents (Exod 20:12)!
To summarize, our aim in disciplining our children is to have them live under the gracious blessings of God. It is the farthest thing from some dogmatic power-trip to labor with all of our might to get our children to heaven.
As we parent, our discipline must be:
Practiced by faith. Parents must ensure that discipline in the home clings to God's promises on the subject. As Christians, we discipline out of obedience to God, and we trust that He will bless us accordingly.
Affectionate. This is taken directly from Hebrews 12 which states, "whom the Lord loves He chastens." Discipline, in the biblical context, represents love, affection, and identification. Wilson states, "A man who refuses to discipline his son is, in effect, disinheriting him." Failure to discipline is failure to love.
Judicial as well as spiritual (Gal 6:1). Discipline must always follow a trespass. We discipline our children by faith in the Lord who is both loving and just. As we look to Him in our disciplining, our children will look to Him in their repenting.
Swift (Gal 6:7; Prov 13:24). We are also teaching our children the principle of sowing and reaping. There are consequences to our actions. God is faithful to respond to our obedience as well as our disobedience. In order to teach this principle effectively, the time between sowing and reaping should be as short as possible.
Painful (Heb 12:11). If it is not painful, it is not discipline, nor is it loving (also cf. Prov 13:24). It must be done swiftly and must always be followed by comforting love. Wilson adds, "A man who is incapable of lovingly encouraging his children after discipline is not qualified to exercise any discipline at all."
Followed by instruction and prayer. If the child has any questions after being disciplined, they should be answered. Prayer is also appropriate at this time. The Lord, who the child has ultimately disobeyed, is present and forgiving - the breach of fellowship is now gone. The parents should also take special care to be cheerful and warm.
Effective (Heb 12:11b). Discipline is different than punishment in that it is corrective. It seeks a change in character and behavior. If it is not having this effect, then it is not discipline. Change the method, not the principle.
According to biblical standards (Mt 15:9). The difference between house rules and God's rules should be clearly maintained. The child must know and understand the biblical standards that constitute and command his covenantal obedience. For example: God does not require that a child not throw a ball in the house. But God does require children to obey their parents - this is why they must not throw a ball in the house.
Very simply, our children must understand that they must live under the Lordship of Christ in faith and obedience. His Word is clear about how we should do this. Scripture, therefore, should follow discipline - especially those that speak of the blessings that follow obedience to parents (Exod 20:12)!
To summarize, our aim in disciplining our children is to have them live under the gracious blessings of God. It is the farthest thing from some dogmatic power-trip to labor with all of our might to get our children to heaven.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Pajama's From Hell
As far as I am concerned these baby pajamas could burn. I don't even want them to exist in my home - not even for play dolls. For three pajama transgressions or for four, I will not revoke this punishment. These pajamas are from you know where - and there they shall return!
"Why?" you ask? Isn't it obvious?
Oh, wait. I forgot. You are the perfect, patient, parent aren't you, who thinks its fun to snap 873 buttons at the end of the day while clothing a child who moves around more than a recently exposed earthworm (I have no idea where that came from!).
Oh yeah, sure, I bet your child is the obedient phenomenon too, doing exactly what say as you whisper, "Be still little sweet pumpkin so I can snap your pajamas..."
Yep, I bet you are that parent with a degree in pajamanetics, who can immediately figure out which side is the front and which is the back. And I am sure that you never have to undo all the snaps at the end because you missed a snap in the process!
And, finally, aren't you just the wonderful parent that loves changing diapers so much that in order to get to the diaper you have to unsnap the whole blaming pajama to get to it and then repeat the whole process!
Oh, wait, I forgot again that your child never wets or dirties her diaper right after you put her jamies on.
Sure.
Am I bitter? Yes. Why? Because I took economics in college (I think). Therefore, I understand this little thing called supply and demand. These pajamas are supplied in stores because there is a demand for them. Yes, you demand them, Mr. and Mrs. Perfect-Parent-Pajama-Putter-Onner. You couldn't look one rack over at the store and purchase the zipper ones huh? Show off.
Thanks a lot. Now, when I'm asked to put my little girls pajamas on, I go into a panic attack.
"Why?" you ask? Isn't it obvious? Oh, wait. I forgot. You are the perfect, patient, parent aren't you, who thinks its fun to snap 873 buttons at the end of the day while clothing a child who moves around more than a recently exposed earthworm (I have no idea where that came from!).
Oh yeah, sure, I bet your child is the obedient phenomenon too, doing exactly what say as you whisper, "Be still little sweet pumpkin so I can snap your pajamas..."
Yep, I bet you are that parent with a degree in pajamanetics, who can immediately figure out which side is the front and which is the back. And I am sure that you never have to undo all the snaps at the end because you missed a snap in the process!
And, finally, aren't you just the wonderful parent that loves changing diapers so much that in order to get to the diaper you have to unsnap the whole blaming pajama to get to it and then repeat the whole process!
Oh, wait, I forgot again that your child never wets or dirties her diaper right after you put her jamies on.
Sure.
Am I bitter? Yes. Why? Because I took economics in college (I think). Therefore, I understand this little thing called supply and demand. These pajamas are supplied in stores because there is a demand for them. Yes, you demand them, Mr. and Mrs. Perfect-Parent-Pajama-Putter-Onner. You couldn't look one rack over at the store and purchase the zipper ones huh? Show off.
Thanks a lot. Now, when I'm asked to put my little girls pajamas on, I go into a panic attack.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Parenting - What the Books Say vs. What Actually Happens
Kevin Hale, pastor of Christ Church Conway, is a good friend of mine. He, his wife (Annie) and 5 children (or six - maybe she is pregnant right now - I lose count) live in Conway, Arkansas. While the Hale's left Jackson, MS just after my first year of seminary, their Christ-centered imprint will be upon our lives forever.
I read this today from his blog and couldn't stop laughing. He was posting an exert from Kevin DeYoung's article on parenting. If you have more than one or two books on parenting, then you know exactly what he is talking about. Enjoy!
Kevin DeYoung writes:
There are already scores of books on parenting, many of them quite good. I’ve read several of them and have learned much. I really do believe in gospel-powered parenting and shepherding my child’s heart. I want conversations like this:
Me: What’s the matter son?
Child: I want that toy and he won’t give it to me!
Me: Why do you want the toy?
Child: Because it will be fun to play with.
Me: Do you think he is having fun playing with the toy right now?
Child: Yes.
Me: Would it make him sad to take the toy away?
Child: I guess so.
Me: And do you like to make your brother sad?
Child: No.
Me: You know, Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means loving your brother the way he would want to be loved. Since Jesus loves us so much, we have every reason to love others–even your brother. Would you like to love him by letting him play with the toy for awhile?
Child: Yes I would daddy.
I try that. Really I do. But here’s what actually happens:
Me: What’s the matter son?
Child: I want that toy and he won’t give it to me!
Me: Why do you want the toy?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: What’s going on in your heart when you desire that toy?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: Think about it son. Use your brain. Don’t you know something?
Child: I guess I just want the toy.
Me: Obviously. But why?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: Fine. [Mental note: abandon "why" questions and skip straight to leading questions.] Do you think he is having fun playing with the toy right now?
Child: No.
Me: Really?! He’s not having fun? Then why does he want that toy in the first place?
Child: Because he’s mean.
Me: Have you ever considered that maybe you are being mean by trying to rip the toy from his quivering little hands?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: What do you know?
Child: I don’t know!
Me: Nevermind. [I wonder how my brilliant child can know absolutely nothing at this moment.] Well, I think taking the toy from him will make your brother sad. Do you like to make him sad?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: [Audible sigh.]
Child: He makes me sad all the time!
Me: Well, I’m getting sad right now with your attitude! [Pause, think, what would Paul Tripp do? Thinking . . . .thinking . . . .man, I can't stop thinking of that mustache. This isn't working. Let's just go right to the Jesus part.] You know, Jesus wants us to love each other.
Child: I don’t know.
Me: I didn’t ask you a question!
Child: [Pause.] Can I have some fruit snacks?
Me: No, you can’t have fruit snacks. We are talking about the gospel. Jesus loves us and died for us. He wants you to love your brother too.
Child: So?
Me: So give him the toy back!
Then I lunge for the toy and the child runs away. I tell him to come back here this instant and threaten to throw the toy in the trash. I recommit myself to turning down speaking engagements on parenting.
I read this today from his blog and couldn't stop laughing. He was posting an exert from Kevin DeYoung's article on parenting. If you have more than one or two books on parenting, then you know exactly what he is talking about. Enjoy!
Kevin DeYoung writes:
There are already scores of books on parenting, many of them quite good. I’ve read several of them and have learned much. I really do believe in gospel-powered parenting and shepherding my child’s heart. I want conversations like this:
Me: What’s the matter son?
Child: I want that toy and he won’t give it to me!
Me: Why do you want the toy?
Child: Because it will be fun to play with.
Me: Do you think he is having fun playing with the toy right now?
Child: Yes.
Me: Would it make him sad to take the toy away?
Child: I guess so.
Me: And do you like to make your brother sad?
Child: No.
Me: You know, Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means loving your brother the way he would want to be loved. Since Jesus loves us so much, we have every reason to love others–even your brother. Would you like to love him by letting him play with the toy for awhile?
Child: Yes I would daddy.
I try that. Really I do. But here’s what actually happens:
Me: What’s the matter son?
Child: I want that toy and he won’t give it to me!
Me: Why do you want the toy?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: What’s going on in your heart when you desire that toy?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: Think about it son. Use your brain. Don’t you know something?
Child: I guess I just want the toy.
Me: Obviously. But why?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: Fine. [Mental note: abandon "why" questions and skip straight to leading questions.] Do you think he is having fun playing with the toy right now?
Child: No.
Me: Really?! He’s not having fun? Then why does he want that toy in the first place?
Child: Because he’s mean.
Me: Have you ever considered that maybe you are being mean by trying to rip the toy from his quivering little hands?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: What do you know?
Child: I don’t know!
Me: Nevermind. [I wonder how my brilliant child can know absolutely nothing at this moment.] Well, I think taking the toy from him will make your brother sad. Do you like to make him sad?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: [Audible sigh.]
Child: He makes me sad all the time!
Me: Well, I’m getting sad right now with your attitude! [Pause, think, what would Paul Tripp do? Thinking . . . .thinking . . . .man, I can't stop thinking of that mustache. This isn't working. Let's just go right to the Jesus part.] You know, Jesus wants us to love each other.
Child: I don’t know.
Me: I didn’t ask you a question!
Child: [Pause.] Can I have some fruit snacks?
Me: No, you can’t have fruit snacks. We are talking about the gospel. Jesus loves us and died for us. He wants you to love your brother too.
Child: So?
Me: So give him the toy back!
Then I lunge for the toy and the child runs away. I tell him to come back here this instant and threaten to throw the toy in the trash. I recommit myself to turning down speaking engagements on parenting.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Toy From Hell
As a pastor and father, I feel obligated to warn all parents of the evil and wicked entities of Hell. It is with great earnestness and seriousness that I write these words to you. Our children are at stake. Our sanity is at stake. Even our world as we know it is at stake. We must do something before the toy from Hell takes us all down.
If you are a parent, you may know precisely what I am talking about. This is no laughing matter. The toy has invaded my home. I am resolved to have it out. If you aren't worried, you should be. If you do not know what I speak of, allow me to describe this evil compilation of electronic plastic to you.
First, this toy is subtle about its sabotage. We are not talking about a clown that watches you walk across a room. No, that would be to obvious. This toy is described as being "fun for all ages 6mo and up." This is the toy everyone cheers about once it is opened.
Second, this toy has a personal vendetta against dads. It not only goes for the children, but also the moms. Some mommies are not fooled. However, dads, if you try and get this thing out of the house, expect to be persecuted by the rest of the family. The toy has long, seductive fingers that cling to the hearts of women and children. They will soon choose sides. If you aren't careful, you will become the bad guy.
Third, this toy is somehow related to the in-laws. I have not figured out all of the relational ties yet - but, the clues are convincing. The in-laws have something to do with it. I suspect they snuck this thing in my house. I didn't think it was possible, but all things are possible with grandma and grandpa. Next time your in-laws are over, watch their faces as the kids "play" with the toy. Watch the smirk develop as they wink in the toy's direction. And I didn't even see it coming!
I also remember seeing in the news that V-Tech is run by in-laws. This is no mere coincidence.
Forth, the toy is throw-away proof. You can take the batteries out, turn it off, or even try and break it. But as soon as that thing comes within a two-foot radius of the garbage can, it goes into something called "tantrum-mode." It goes crazy! And this craziness attracts kids and mommies, calling them to full sympathetic attention.
Fifth, the toy is doggie-proof. Yes, I have tried the whole "leave-the-toy-in-the-floor-by-accident-trick." My dog chews everything so I figured this was my best shot. But ALAS! I found the toy in my dog's kennel wrapped in a Snuggie. Not a tooth mark on it. This toy is ruthless, turning even "man's best friend" against us.
Sixth, if you make this toy mad it becomes highly dangerous. It will find its way into your car in no obvious place. Once you reach a maximum speed it will randomly begin playing the most aggravating music you have ever heard. It will not stop. I repeat, it will not stop. I would move immediately into distraction mode if this happens. Once the kids and mom start to sing along with the toy - your trip will soon go down hill.
If this isn't enough, it is also common for the toy to "sneak" into the baby's crib. It will hide there, waiting...Once the baby is asleep and the house is quiet...WHAMMO! It will go off for no reason whatsoever, filling the dark room with an array of colors and sounds, scarring the ever-living crap out of the infant. Dad's, be on your guard at this time. Don't play the hero too soon. If you rush into the room too quickly and grab the toy, the baby will see YOU as the one who sent her into panic. This is the toy's plan.
Last, this toy will place a curse on you. This morning I felt something watching me from across the room. It was dark. I stopped. After I saw nothing I made my way across the "play-area" when, out of nowhere, and for no good reason, it began laughing and chanting at me in some childish voice. Then, it started counting! In my rage I picked it up and was about to slam it on the ground when...It began cursing me in Spanish!!! At least I think it was a curse. This toy, my dear friends, is bi-lingual. Watch out! I suspect it uses this as a protective measure so that it can cuss us out in front of the kids without being found out.
I am humbled to say that the expertise required to have this toy out of my home is beyond my training. I have therefore decided to go to Target (imagine me saying that with a French accent) to get Diego (Dora's brother I think). He speaks Spanish. He is also the only one who seems to disrupt the toys scheme. Whenever Diego comes on the television and I hear "Go Diego, Go!" the toy begins to groan and stutter. When this happens, the children seem agitated that something is distracting them. This is my way out. I'm going for it!
Pray for me - as I pray for you. Together, we will win. Long live Diego.
If you are a parent, you may know precisely what I am talking about. This is no laughing matter. The toy has invaded my home. I am resolved to have it out. If you aren't worried, you should be. If you do not know what I speak of, allow me to describe this evil compilation of electronic plastic to you.
First, this toy is subtle about its sabotage. We are not talking about a clown that watches you walk across a room. No, that would be to obvious. This toy is described as being "fun for all ages 6mo and up." This is the toy everyone cheers about once it is opened.
Second, this toy has a personal vendetta against dads. It not only goes for the children, but also the moms. Some mommies are not fooled. However, dads, if you try and get this thing out of the house, expect to be persecuted by the rest of the family. The toy has long, seductive fingers that cling to the hearts of women and children. They will soon choose sides. If you aren't careful, you will become the bad guy.
Third, this toy is somehow related to the in-laws. I have not figured out all of the relational ties yet - but, the clues are convincing. The in-laws have something to do with it. I suspect they snuck this thing in my house. I didn't think it was possible, but all things are possible with grandma and grandpa. Next time your in-laws are over, watch their faces as the kids "play" with the toy. Watch the smirk develop as they wink in the toy's direction. And I didn't even see it coming!
I also remember seeing in the news that V-Tech is run by in-laws. This is no mere coincidence.
Forth, the toy is throw-away proof. You can take the batteries out, turn it off, or even try and break it. But as soon as that thing comes within a two-foot radius of the garbage can, it goes into something called "tantrum-mode." It goes crazy! And this craziness attracts kids and mommies, calling them to full sympathetic attention.
Fifth, the toy is doggie-proof. Yes, I have tried the whole "leave-the-toy-in-the-floor-by-accident-trick." My dog chews everything so I figured this was my best shot. But ALAS! I found the toy in my dog's kennel wrapped in a Snuggie. Not a tooth mark on it. This toy is ruthless, turning even "man's best friend" against us.
Sixth, if you make this toy mad it becomes highly dangerous. It will find its way into your car in no obvious place. Once you reach a maximum speed it will randomly begin playing the most aggravating music you have ever heard. It will not stop. I repeat, it will not stop. I would move immediately into distraction mode if this happens. Once the kids and mom start to sing along with the toy - your trip will soon go down hill.
If this isn't enough, it is also common for the toy to "sneak" into the baby's crib. It will hide there, waiting...Once the baby is asleep and the house is quiet...WHAMMO! It will go off for no reason whatsoever, filling the dark room with an array of colors and sounds, scarring the ever-living crap out of the infant. Dad's, be on your guard at this time. Don't play the hero too soon. If you rush into the room too quickly and grab the toy, the baby will see YOU as the one who sent her into panic. This is the toy's plan.
Last, this toy will place a curse on you. This morning I felt something watching me from across the room. It was dark. I stopped. After I saw nothing I made my way across the "play-area" when, out of nowhere, and for no good reason, it began laughing and chanting at me in some childish voice. Then, it started counting! In my rage I picked it up and was about to slam it on the ground when...It began cursing me in Spanish!!! At least I think it was a curse. This toy, my dear friends, is bi-lingual. Watch out! I suspect it uses this as a protective measure so that it can cuss us out in front of the kids without being found out.
I am humbled to say that the expertise required to have this toy out of my home is beyond my training. I have therefore decided to go to Target (imagine me saying that with a French accent) to get Diego (Dora's brother I think). He speaks Spanish. He is also the only one who seems to disrupt the toys scheme. Whenever Diego comes on the television and I hear "Go Diego, Go!" the toy begins to groan and stutter. When this happens, the children seem agitated that something is distracting them. This is my way out. I'm going for it!
Pray for me - as I pray for you. Together, we will win. Long live Diego.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
What I Learned About Prayer That I Learned From My Kids
I finally laid my head down last night, exhausted. Fridays are Field-Trip-With-Daddy Day. To give the wife a break, I take the kids out of the house on some new journey - to the Battleship, Fire Station, Starbucks (YES!); any place as long as it is away from Mamma!
I guess this is the age when they want EVERYTHING! It is almost as if they are constantly hungry, thirsty or deprived of some toy. Oh...and don't let one ask for something around the other! If one gets it, the other looks with an envious eye and says, "Daddy...can I have that too?" Amazing. Frustrating. Exhausting. Seriously, I don't know how you people do it (Mommies, that is)!
No joke, these kids were asking for something every 5 minutes (on average). Some asking-streaks had to be record-breaking. We were at the coffee shop. I ordered everything on the menue it seems (I had a Groupon) - ice cream for Emma, a cookie for Jude, a muffin for me. But then Jude heard that Emma was getting something that he wasn't getting..."Daddy, I want ice cream too." "Can I have gummy bears on it?"
Some guy after us ordered a piece of cake. Jude says, "Daddy, I want cake." As I tried to gather all of my edible merchandise, it was all I could do to keep them from finding something new to want. Then Jude needed to go potty. Amazing. Impeccable timing.
So there I was, at the end of the day, laying on the bed. The kids were finally asleep. After saying a small prayer asking for God to give me more patience with my children, He spoke to me.
It was not an audible voice; but it reached a deeper part of me than any voice ever could. A new vision of my Lord overwhelmed me. I have only three children. He has millions (if not more). I spent the day wishing my children would stop asking me for things. He eternally lives longing for His children to ask Him for everything! (Matt 7:7)
He never sleeps. He never gets tired of giving. He is never frustrated by the simplest requests. He graciously corrects our selfish and envious desires. And even when He does, He never ceases giving! He never ignores us! We never have to call his name ten times before he responds, "What?!"
He answers the first time, every time! Even when we fail to ask, He considers that asking - and He gives accordingly! He is God. He is our giving, hearing, patient, faithful, merciful, gracious, and loving Father.
He is holy other than I am. And yet, He saved me. He lives in me. He changed me yesterday, knowing exactly what I needed even before I asked. I don't have bad kids. They were doing exactly what they were supposed to do. I learned that I should be more hesitant to discourage their practice of asking.
Yesterday, I learned what it means to ask Daddy for things.
I guess this is the age when they want EVERYTHING! It is almost as if they are constantly hungry, thirsty or deprived of some toy. Oh...and don't let one ask for something around the other! If one gets it, the other looks with an envious eye and says, "Daddy...can I have that too?" Amazing. Frustrating. Exhausting. Seriously, I don't know how you people do it (Mommies, that is)!
No joke, these kids were asking for something every 5 minutes (on average). Some asking-streaks had to be record-breaking. We were at the coffee shop. I ordered everything on the menue it seems (I had a Groupon) - ice cream for Emma, a cookie for Jude, a muffin for me. But then Jude heard that Emma was getting something that he wasn't getting..."Daddy, I want ice cream too." "Can I have gummy bears on it?"
Some guy after us ordered a piece of cake. Jude says, "Daddy, I want cake." As I tried to gather all of my edible merchandise, it was all I could do to keep them from finding something new to want. Then Jude needed to go potty. Amazing. Impeccable timing.
So there I was, at the end of the day, laying on the bed. The kids were finally asleep. After saying a small prayer asking for God to give me more patience with my children, He spoke to me.
It was not an audible voice; but it reached a deeper part of me than any voice ever could. A new vision of my Lord overwhelmed me. I have only three children. He has millions (if not more). I spent the day wishing my children would stop asking me for things. He eternally lives longing for His children to ask Him for everything! (Matt 7:7)
He never sleeps. He never gets tired of giving. He is never frustrated by the simplest requests. He graciously corrects our selfish and envious desires. And even when He does, He never ceases giving! He never ignores us! We never have to call his name ten times before he responds, "What?!"
He answers the first time, every time! Even when we fail to ask, He considers that asking - and He gives accordingly! He is God. He is our giving, hearing, patient, faithful, merciful, gracious, and loving Father.
He is holy other than I am. And yet, He saved me. He lives in me. He changed me yesterday, knowing exactly what I needed even before I asked. I don't have bad kids. They were doing exactly what they were supposed to do. I learned that I should be more hesitant to discourage their practice of asking.
Yesterday, I learned what it means to ask Daddy for things.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
My Most Humbling Experience To Date As a Parent
The morning started off wonderfully. I looked to my side at my beautiful wife - and she was just that - stunning. Then, as always, the kids, one by one, bombarded us with their cheerful shouts and demands for juice, the potty, and a snack. We played for a while.
Then we moved to the kitchen table for breakfast. Everything was going really well there too. It was a great morning. Then it happened. Out of nowhere, one little comment was thrown out. It led to a deeper one, which led to a deeper one. Before I knew it an argument began. This one dug deep. I stood up and I lost it.
When I acted up as a kid, I got a whoopen.
When I acted up in grade school, I got a "white slip." Then when I got home, I got a whoopen (or the disciplinary equivalent).
When I acted up in college, I'm not really sure what I got. But it was something.
When I acted up in the first years of marriage, I got the disciplinary equivalent of a whoopen!
Now, as a dad, when I act up, I get this:
In case you didn't get it, Emma wrote: "I love you dad. You don't have to slam the refrigerator and drop your coffee mug and slam the door. From Emma."
Simply put, I'm all jacked up. I spent the next hour wrestling heavily with my sin. Then we had a family meeting where I repented to everyone of my wicked pride. As my wife and little girl forgave me, the heavens opened. I haven't cried like that in a long time.
This was a difficult post to write. But I think its important that you know who you are reading. In all the books I have read, I have never read something that humbled me more than what my five-year-old wrote that day - the day that Christ brought this pastor to his knees with the clumsy words of a child.
Then we moved to the kitchen table for breakfast. Everything was going really well there too. It was a great morning. Then it happened. Out of nowhere, one little comment was thrown out. It led to a deeper one, which led to a deeper one. Before I knew it an argument began. This one dug deep. I stood up and I lost it.
When I acted up as a kid, I got a whoopen.
When I acted up in grade school, I got a "white slip." Then when I got home, I got a whoopen (or the disciplinary equivalent).
When I acted up in college, I'm not really sure what I got. But it was something.
When I acted up in the first years of marriage, I got the disciplinary equivalent of a whoopen!
Now, as a dad, when I act up, I get this:
In case you didn't get it, Emma wrote: "I love you dad. You don't have to slam the refrigerator and drop your coffee mug and slam the door. From Emma."
Simply put, I'm all jacked up. I spent the next hour wrestling heavily with my sin. Then we had a family meeting where I repented to everyone of my wicked pride. As my wife and little girl forgave me, the heavens opened. I haven't cried like that in a long time.
This was a difficult post to write. But I think its important that you know who you are reading. In all the books I have read, I have never read something that humbled me more than what my five-year-old wrote that day - the day that Christ brought this pastor to his knees with the clumsy words of a child.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Pajamas, Parenting and Sanctification
Okay, so this is not the normal post, but I thought I'd share one of the most frustrating things in parenting. When I get to heaven, I'm going to ask God why in the world He gave babies certain reflexes. To you who are parents, you know exactly what I'm talking about...
How about the reflex that tells the baby, "Hey! Baby! When your daddy is trying to put your arm in the arm hole of your pajamas...Yeah...at that moment, try and put your hand in your mouth. That'll make Daddy really excited about your development!
Then show him how strong you really are! Flex really hard so that when he pulls your arm away from your mouth, your whole body comes off of the changing table! He might look a bit frustrated, but he's really not. Keep doing it. He'll love you more as you show him how you can do it with the other hand as well!"
And what about the other reflex (or whatever it is) that tells the baby, "Hey! Baby! When your daddy is trying to button those hundreds of buttons on the legs of your pajamas...Yeah...Kick as fast as you can - back and forth, back and forth...really fast. Show him how you are gonna be a soccer player when you get older. He will love that!
Then slow down until he gets the last button almost snapped...wait...wait...he's almost got it...NOW! Kick, kick, kick, kick baby kick! Yeah! Good job! See how happy daddy is! Look at his face - that frustrated look is no frustration at all. He is really saying to kick some more!
Okay - that was my vent. Out!
How about the reflex that tells the baby, "Hey! Baby! When your daddy is trying to put your arm in the arm hole of your pajamas...Yeah...at that moment, try and put your hand in your mouth. That'll make Daddy really excited about your development!
Then show him how strong you really are! Flex really hard so that when he pulls your arm away from your mouth, your whole body comes off of the changing table! He might look a bit frustrated, but he's really not. Keep doing it. He'll love you more as you show him how you can do it with the other hand as well!"
And what about the other reflex (or whatever it is) that tells the baby, "Hey! Baby! When your daddy is trying to button those hundreds of buttons on the legs of your pajamas...Yeah...Kick as fast as you can - back and forth, back and forth...really fast. Show him how you are gonna be a soccer player when you get older. He will love that!
Then slow down until he gets the last button almost snapped...wait...wait...he's almost got it...NOW! Kick, kick, kick, kick baby kick! Yeah! Good job! See how happy daddy is! Look at his face - that frustrated look is no frustration at all. He is really saying to kick some more!
Okay - that was my vent. Out!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
How Do I Parent My Children Through Christmas?
We didn't have a lot growing up. Getting something nice was reserved for special times of the year, like Christmas or our birthday. In many ways giving was sacrificial. It was special. There was a surprise factor involved because, even though we asked for things, we were not completely certain we would get them. All of this made Christmas a day that my year revolved around. I anticipated it. I longed for it.
But I don't anymore.
Things have changed in our day. With prosperity, credit cards and overwhelming availability, gifts have become commonplace. Buying a toy here and a toy there is no big deal. When our kids say they want something, we just go get it. Its that simple.
I don't especially like waiting either. My Kindle is a perfect example. I ordered it in October as an "early Christmas present". As a child I had to wait. These days, however, rather than adding what I want to my Christmas list, I add them to my Amazon Cart. Instead of checking the days off on the calendar, I click the "Order Now" button (with the express shipping option, of course!). I used to wait months, now I can barely wait 2 days.
I will get to the point. The way my children experience Christmas and the way I did are very different. As a kid, Christmas was all about presents. Why? Because presents were very rare. I only got them two days a year. But what happens when presents become commonplace? Christmas looses its luster. It becomes, for all practical purposes, just another day.
How do we rescue Christmas? Well, the answer is obvious. We make Christmas less about presents and more about Christ. But how do we do this when our kids are getting, literally, dozens of presents! And I'm not sure that Christ is the center when the presents supposedly come from Santa (that's another post altogether!). And I just haven't figured out how to keep my little one's from the danger of idolatry when they are literally overwhelmed with barbies and cameras and cars and whatever else they got.
This year I am hoping to lead in a way that makes next year's Christmas (Lord willing) more special. I know I personally did not set my eyes on Christ like I should have. I'd like to share some of my ideas. I would also love to hear yours.
First, I'd like to get rid of "early Christmas presents." Too many presents throughout the year rob Christmas of its joy. I think there is something good about waiting. There is something godly about anticipating a future "Day." I also think there is something ungodly about trying to drag that "Day" closer. Early Christmas presents (being a prime example) are one way to have Christmas gifts in our own time. But Christ came "at the right time" (Rom 5). Also, when we wait, we realize better that we are not in control. Time is often a great teacher of God's sovereignty. Time is also necessary component for understanding true biblical hope.
Second, I'd like to think hard about the presents we give. Do I want my family to have a ton of superficial "things"; or, do I want them to have a few meaningful gifts. I have no idea how to do this; but I think that a true gift is one that promotes gratitude, community, and Christ-centered worship. I'd like to take this year, with Katie, and prepare a gift for our kids that will "keep them from idolatry" (1Jn 5:21) and that will lead them to Christ. There has to be a gift that, when given, will help them receive Christ better - one that will teach us all about true biblical faith.
Third, I'd like to get the whole family involved in giving gifts to others. If it is truly better to give than to receive (Acts 20:35), then why do we, the parents (and grandparents), get to have all the fun on Christmas?! Could it be that we don't really believe that it's better to give? I cannot help but think that if we give in such a way that promotes faith (receiving the greatest Gift) and hope (an understanding that we now have that Gift, but anticipate it's full consummation), then we will all overflow with a true biblical love - we will long for others to have the same Gift we have.
Finally, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how we can make Christmas better. I am writing this post as a flawed (and new) father. My oldest is 5 now. I am also writing as a new pastor who is trying to help keep my family and flock in "the race". I am concerned that Christmas may be more of a hinderance to that than a help. I covet your comments, concerns, corrections and advice.
Peace to you all and a happy new year!
But I don't anymore.
Things have changed in our day. With prosperity, credit cards and overwhelming availability, gifts have become commonplace. Buying a toy here and a toy there is no big deal. When our kids say they want something, we just go get it. Its that simple.
I don't especially like waiting either. My Kindle is a perfect example. I ordered it in October as an "early Christmas present". As a child I had to wait. These days, however, rather than adding what I want to my Christmas list, I add them to my Amazon Cart. Instead of checking the days off on the calendar, I click the "Order Now" button (with the express shipping option, of course!). I used to wait months, now I can barely wait 2 days.
I will get to the point. The way my children experience Christmas and the way I did are very different. As a kid, Christmas was all about presents. Why? Because presents were very rare. I only got them two days a year. But what happens when presents become commonplace? Christmas looses its luster. It becomes, for all practical purposes, just another day.
How do we rescue Christmas? Well, the answer is obvious. We make Christmas less about presents and more about Christ. But how do we do this when our kids are getting, literally, dozens of presents! And I'm not sure that Christ is the center when the presents supposedly come from Santa (that's another post altogether!). And I just haven't figured out how to keep my little one's from the danger of idolatry when they are literally overwhelmed with barbies and cameras and cars and whatever else they got.
This year I am hoping to lead in a way that makes next year's Christmas (Lord willing) more special. I know I personally did not set my eyes on Christ like I should have. I'd like to share some of my ideas. I would also love to hear yours.
First, I'd like to get rid of "early Christmas presents." Too many presents throughout the year rob Christmas of its joy. I think there is something good about waiting. There is something godly about anticipating a future "Day." I also think there is something ungodly about trying to drag that "Day" closer. Early Christmas presents (being a prime example) are one way to have Christmas gifts in our own time. But Christ came "at the right time" (Rom 5). Also, when we wait, we realize better that we are not in control. Time is often a great teacher of God's sovereignty. Time is also necessary component for understanding true biblical hope.
Second, I'd like to think hard about the presents we give. Do I want my family to have a ton of superficial "things"; or, do I want them to have a few meaningful gifts. I have no idea how to do this; but I think that a true gift is one that promotes gratitude, community, and Christ-centered worship. I'd like to take this year, with Katie, and prepare a gift for our kids that will "keep them from idolatry" (1Jn 5:21) and that will lead them to Christ. There has to be a gift that, when given, will help them receive Christ better - one that will teach us all about true biblical faith.
Third, I'd like to get the whole family involved in giving gifts to others. If it is truly better to give than to receive (Acts 20:35), then why do we, the parents (and grandparents), get to have all the fun on Christmas?! Could it be that we don't really believe that it's better to give? I cannot help but think that if we give in such a way that promotes faith (receiving the greatest Gift) and hope (an understanding that we now have that Gift, but anticipate it's full consummation), then we will all overflow with a true biblical love - we will long for others to have the same Gift we have.
Finally, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how we can make Christmas better. I am writing this post as a flawed (and new) father. My oldest is 5 now. I am also writing as a new pastor who is trying to help keep my family and flock in "the race". I am concerned that Christmas may be more of a hinderance to that than a help. I covet your comments, concerns, corrections and advice.
Peace to you all and a happy new year!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Should We Repent to Our Children?
I have three children now. Emma is five years old; Jude is two; and Camille is three months old. Needless to say, the house gets a little crazy at times. Coming home to a quiet and peaceful "refuge" is something that just doesn't happen. Rather, I come home to the greatest screams ever, "DADDY!!!!!" They run and grab my legs, making it difficult to get to Katie for a little "shugga." (Note: If she reads this she will call me a dork...and I'm okay with that - because of the gospel, of course :)
After things settle down, reality sets in. Kids start doing what kids do. Jude likes to ignore Emma while she screams, "Get off of me, Jude!!!" Emma then begins to kick him in the side. Jude then proceeds to produce this horrible screeching noise, while he retaliates with punches. Camille sits in her little bouncy seat sucking away on the passy, waiving her hands back and forth (I call this "rapping."). So, as the dad, I walk over to the UFC match that is going down on my couch and say, "What's going on here?"
I might as well have said, "Let's play the blame game!!!!" I quickly put a stop to the tattling and send both to their rooms for a little "tap-tap" (Prov 23:13-14). After the "tap-tap" I try to guide them in repentance and reconciliation. Then we guide them in prayer and repentance to God.
This goes on many times a day. My kids repent to me and Katie very often for disobedience, disrespect and other sins. But I have realized something. I hardly ever repent to them. I hardly ever come down to their level and say, "Kids, Daddy is sorry for not being a real good Daddy." After thinking this through a little, here are some reasons why I think it is essential that we, as parents, repent to our children often.
First, repentance makes us human and not God. Our children have amazing capacities to put up with our junk. After we have pitched our fits right in front of them, they come right up to us and treat us like royalty. Amazing. If we do not repent to our children for our sins, they will think that our sinful behavior is okay. Most children don't have their devotions every morning in the Ten Commandments. Whatever instruction they receive, they receive from us, the parents.
But as the old expression goes, "more is caught than taught." This is why we have to repent of those nasty things they "catch" from us. If we do not appeal to a higher Authority, we will remain the authority. We will be a god to them. A sinful god is devastating to a small child. Therefore, we must repent. This directs their attention toward our Righteous Lord. It makes us subordinate to Him...it makes us human.
Second, when we repent to our children, we let them know we, too, need a Savior. We need the light of the Gospel just as much as they do. But when we remain silent about our own sin and fallenness, we become Pharisaical. We teach them that there is an age, or a time in life, when repentance is not necessary. We, parents, have reached that point, and they, the children, must reach it too!
On the other hand, when we repent to our children, and in front of them (typically I do this during our family worship/prayer times), we are showing them what the Christian life is about. Being saved is not about being sinless. Walking in light is not about perfection, but about confession. The kindness of God leads us to repentance. When we repent, we show our children the freedom that we have received from our kind Savior. When a person's lips are shut to repentance, it shows their heart is shut to the gospel.
Third, if we communicate to our children about our own sins, hopefully they will communicate to us about their own as they grow older. I think every parent that I have spent time with desires a great relationship with their children when they grow up. Katie says it all the time - how she wants Emma to be able to talk to her about her (Emma's) struggles and failures. Humble parents make approachable parents.
Last, as we humble ourselves before God, others, and our children, we show that our trust is not in ourselves, but a Wonderful Savior. If we never show them repentance, we communicate all we need is rules - all we need is law. We can do this thing called life - a Savior is not needed. However, if we repent often, we show that we need to hear the good news about Him daily. When our kids have grown up seeing our need of Him (through repentance) and our receiving of Him (through faith), when they sin they will be inclined to come to us for the Gospel!
After things settle down, reality sets in. Kids start doing what kids do. Jude likes to ignore Emma while she screams, "Get off of me, Jude!!!" Emma then begins to kick him in the side. Jude then proceeds to produce this horrible screeching noise, while he retaliates with punches. Camille sits in her little bouncy seat sucking away on the passy, waiving her hands back and forth (I call this "rapping."). So, as the dad, I walk over to the UFC match that is going down on my couch and say, "What's going on here?"
I might as well have said, "Let's play the blame game!!!!" I quickly put a stop to the tattling and send both to their rooms for a little "tap-tap" (Prov 23:13-14). After the "tap-tap" I try to guide them in repentance and reconciliation. Then we guide them in prayer and repentance to God.
This goes on many times a day. My kids repent to me and Katie very often for disobedience, disrespect and other sins. But I have realized something. I hardly ever repent to them. I hardly ever come down to their level and say, "Kids, Daddy is sorry for not being a real good Daddy." After thinking this through a little, here are some reasons why I think it is essential that we, as parents, repent to our children often.
First, repentance makes us human and not God. Our children have amazing capacities to put up with our junk. After we have pitched our fits right in front of them, they come right up to us and treat us like royalty. Amazing. If we do not repent to our children for our sins, they will think that our sinful behavior is okay. Most children don't have their devotions every morning in the Ten Commandments. Whatever instruction they receive, they receive from us, the parents.
But as the old expression goes, "more is caught than taught." This is why we have to repent of those nasty things they "catch" from us. If we do not appeal to a higher Authority, we will remain the authority. We will be a god to them. A sinful god is devastating to a small child. Therefore, we must repent. This directs their attention toward our Righteous Lord. It makes us subordinate to Him...it makes us human.
Second, when we repent to our children, we let them know we, too, need a Savior. We need the light of the Gospel just as much as they do. But when we remain silent about our own sin and fallenness, we become Pharisaical. We teach them that there is an age, or a time in life, when repentance is not necessary. We, parents, have reached that point, and they, the children, must reach it too!
On the other hand, when we repent to our children, and in front of them (typically I do this during our family worship/prayer times), we are showing them what the Christian life is about. Being saved is not about being sinless. Walking in light is not about perfection, but about confession. The kindness of God leads us to repentance. When we repent, we show our children the freedom that we have received from our kind Savior. When a person's lips are shut to repentance, it shows their heart is shut to the gospel.
Third, if we communicate to our children about our own sins, hopefully they will communicate to us about their own as they grow older. I think every parent that I have spent time with desires a great relationship with their children when they grow up. Katie says it all the time - how she wants Emma to be able to talk to her about her (Emma's) struggles and failures. Humble parents make approachable parents.
Last, as we humble ourselves before God, others, and our children, we show that our trust is not in ourselves, but a Wonderful Savior. If we never show them repentance, we communicate all we need is rules - all we need is law. We can do this thing called life - a Savior is not needed. However, if we repent often, we show that we need to hear the good news about Him daily. When our kids have grown up seeing our need of Him (through repentance) and our receiving of Him (through faith), when they sin they will be inclined to come to us for the Gospel!
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