The Gospel and Porn

No, I won't "shut it" about porn.  I am quite aware that even bringing up the subject can cause some to wonder down the porn path.  That's how enticing it is.  But I must keep communicating the dangers of this horrible medium.  WE must speak up.  The snowball is rolling downhill fast.  It has been gaining exponential speed ever since pornographic material was invited into the home with the simple click of a mouse.

It seems that the only ones communicating honestly about the abuse of sex are the secular artists.  With their words, images and expressions, they reach down into our innermost beings and call our sinful flesh to feast at their table.  And they are good at it.  While at the gym the other day, not only did I pass by the front desk with an issue of MAXIM magazine in full display; but I also found my head bobbing to the lyrics, "I kissed a girl and I liked it..."  WHAT THE HECK!

Again, the snowball is rolling fast.  And its getting larger.  It is difficult to go anywhere or listen to anything without getting bombarded.  Sure, there is Christian television and radio...but I don't want to go there.  Most of it, though "clean" is only superficially so.  We go there only to find that the pendulum has swung to the other side.  This get's us nothing but a new Pharisaical friend.  What we really need is the gospel, which powerfully embraces the entire clock with redemptive arms.

The gospel is not afraid of sex - nor is it afraid of porn!  It, like the secular artist, is honest.  In other words, both the gospel and the secular artist are not afraid to say what is really going on!  Notice that I did not say that they (the gospel and the artist) agree on what is right (or wrong) about what is going on.

The gospel praises the pleasures of sex, but never the distortion of it.  The gospel exposes the fact that, yes, indulgence in pornographic material is exhilarating, pleasurable and intense; but it does not leave the individual in the slums.  The artist sinfully feasts in those slums and calls others for company.  When the song is over, however, all the guests are left with no artist and with dirty faces.  Let the guilt begin.

The Krispy Kreme donuts are gone, now everyone sits around trying not to puke.

The gospel, on the other hand, goes to the slums and calls sinners to a superior pleasure!  Again, porn is the horrible distortion of something that is gloriously good.  Porn feeds the human appetite for pleasure and sexual intimacy with something less than glorious.  The gospel doesn't call for an extinction of the appetite, but rather a redirection of it.  A lion who is foolishly addicted to oatmeal should not be encouraged to stop eating; but rather, he should be redemptively redirected to eating steak! 

Here's the only dangerous part - bringing the gospel to pornographers requires taming lions.  But here is the glorious part - the gospel tames lions.  And tamed lions live powerful lives.  As Christians we must live the gospel.  Christ died to set us free.  He tore down the wall that kept us from our Superior Pleasure - God.  This is forgiveness.  This is fulfillment.

Here is the truth...The gospel targets sinners.  Yes, even pornographers.  And when it hits them, it powerfully changes them.  Porn, though tempting, is no longer appealing.  The lion looks at the oatmeal and smirks.  By grace, I am living proof.

Should We Repent to Our Children?

I have three children now.  Emma is five years old; Jude is two; and Camille is three months old.  Needless to say, the house gets a little crazy at times.  Coming home to a quiet and peaceful "refuge" is something that just doesn't happen.  Rather, I come home to the greatest screams ever, "DADDY!!!!!"  They run and grab my legs, making it difficult to get to Katie for a little  "shugga."  (Note:  If she reads this she will call me a dork...and I'm okay with that - because of the gospel, of course :)

After things settle down, reality sets in.  Kids start doing what kids do.  Jude likes to ignore Emma while she screams, "Get off of me, Jude!!!" Emma then begins to kick him in the side.  Jude then proceeds to produce this horrible screeching noise, while he retaliates with punches.  Camille sits in her little bouncy seat sucking away on the passy, waiving her hands back and forth (I call this "rapping.").  So, as the dad, I walk over to the UFC match that is going down on my couch and say, "What's going on here?"

I might as well have said, "Let's play the blame game!!!!"  I quickly put a stop to the tattling and send both to their rooms for a little "tap-tap" (Prov 23:13-14).  After the "tap-tap" I try to guide them in repentance and reconciliation.  Then we guide them in prayer and repentance to God.

This goes on many times a day.  My kids repent to me and Katie very often for disobedience, disrespect and other sins.  But I have realized something.  I hardly ever repent to them.  I hardly ever come down to their level and say, "Kids, Daddy is sorry for not being a real good Daddy."  After thinking this through a little, here are some reasons why I think it is essential that we, as parents, repent to our children often.

First,  repentance makes us human and not God.  Our children have amazing capacities to put up with our junk.  After we have pitched our fits right in front of them, they come right up to us and treat us like royalty.  Amazing.  If we do not repent to our children for our sins, they will think that our sinful behavior is okay.  Most children don't have their devotions every morning in the Ten Commandments.  Whatever instruction they receive, they receive from us, the parents. 

But as the old expression goes, "more is caught than taught."  This is why we have to repent of those nasty things they "catch" from us.  If we do not appeal to a higher Authority, we will remain the authority.  We will be a god to them.   A sinful god is devastating to a small child.  Therefore, we must repent.  This directs their attention toward our Righteous Lord.  It makes us subordinate to Him...it makes us human.

Second, when we repent to our children, we let them know we, too, need a Savior.  We need the light of the Gospel just as much as they do.  But when we remain silent about our own sin and fallenness, we become Pharisaical.   We teach them that there is an age, or a time in life, when repentance is not necessary.  We, parents, have reached that point, and they, the children, must reach it too!  

On the other hand, when we repent to our children, and in front of them (typically I do this during our family worship/prayer times), we are showing them what the Christian life is about.  Being saved is not about being sinless.  Walking in light is not about perfection, but about confession.  The kindness of God leads us to repentance.  When we repent, we show our children the freedom that we have received from our kind Savior.  When a person's lips are shut to repentance, it shows their heart is shut to the gospel.

Third, if we communicate to our children about our own sins, hopefully they will communicate to us about their own as they grow older.  I think every parent that I have spent time with desires a great relationship with their children when they grow up.  Katie says it all the time - how she wants Emma to be able to talk to her about her (Emma's) struggles and failures.   Humble parents make approachable parents. 

Last, as we humble ourselves before God, others, and our children, we show that our trust is not in ourselves, but a Wonderful Savior.  If we never show them repentance, we communicate all we need is rules - all we need is law.  We can do this thing called life - a Savior is not needed.  However, if we repent often, we show that we need to hear the good news about Him daily.  When our kids have grown up seeing our need of Him (through repentance) and our receiving of Him (through faith), when they sin they will be inclined to come to us for the Gospel! 

 

What About Repercussions?

Sin is so nasty, not only because it is a transgression against God, but also because it always affects another person. Dietrich Bonhoeffer once wrote, "there is no sin so secret that does not act out against the Body of Christ." I believe this.

Again, sin is nasty. It has fingers that reach into the hearts of those we love and care about. And once it sinks in, it rips and tears those hearts apart. Simply put, our sin hurts...and it hurts bad.

Most people understand this. We know that we have done a lot of damage. We have sinned against others and thus permanently altered their lives. In other words, we know and understand that the life of another person is different today because of a sin we committed yesterday.

Parents are perhaps more keenly aware of this reality than most as we see our sins working out in our children's lives. What are we to do? How can we escape and remedy the tragedy that we have initiated in the hearts of others?

We must understand the gospel. We must understand that we CANNOT remedy the pain and hurt that we have caused in others. Sin is an assault against the image of God, and once done, we are immediately in over our heads. We incur a debt we can never repay.

Again, we must understand the gospel. Jesus Christ bore our sins upon the Cross! What was that? He BORE our sins upon the Cross. Why didn't He simply wipe them away? Why didn't He simply say, "Ehh, they don't really matter...I won't remember them any more..." He didn't say that because He knows that sin is more than just a single act committed in time. He knows that sins begin and continue until death.

Again, we must know and understand the gospel! Our Lord is sovereign. He has paid our debt. To those in Christ, our anthem is this: "Christ alone has taken our wrath upon Himself on the Cross! The Father is thus satisfied, and accepts us as sons and daughters! Christ is Risen!"

And we must know the gospel truth that when Christ took our sins upon Himself on the Cross - they were paid for. Not just the act itself, but the repercussions as well. Only the Lord can repair the scars we have made. Only the Christ can heal where we have wounded.

And because we know the gospel, we can go to those we have wounded and let confession and repentance drip off of our tongue - from our wounded hearts. We say, "because of Christ, I understand I have hurt you. Because of Christ, I repent and confess my sins to you. Because of my Lord, I would like to say I am sorry. Please forgive me..."

His goodness leads us to repentance. And repentance, rooted in History, brings healing to those broken places we have made. The Lord who was strong enough, perfect enough, worthy enough, and Divine enough, to forgive our sins, is the same Lord who can also heals the repercussions of those sins.

He is alive Christian. He is working Christian. Is is able Christian. He handles repercussions Christian. Repent therefore and believe in the Gospel of God's grace.

Dodge Ball only Leads to Death.

When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, they immediately responded in at least four notable ways.  First, they felt shame.  They “knew that they were naked” (Gen 3:7).  Second, in order to alleviate the shame, “they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths” (3:7).  In other words, in independence, they tried to fix what they had just broken.  Third, they hid from God (3:8).  And fourth, they blamed someone else for their actions (3:12-13).  Adam blamed Eve (and even God!).  Eve blamed the serpent.

Ever since the fall, humanity has been inclined to the same shame, independence, hiding and blame that our first parents practiced in the Garden. If we think about it, these four actions are not too far from our own everyday human experience.  And since we all do these things, it makes that human experience all the more difficult. 

Have you ever broken something valuable and instead of confessing, you tried to superglue it back together?  See the “try-to-fix-it-shame-game.”  Have you ever been wronged by someone only to have them never return your calls, or answer your texts?  See hiding game.  Can you remember a time when you were late to a meeting because you overslept only to tell your boss that “traffic was horrible” or “my wife didn’t leave me any gas in the car” or “when I stepped outside, I was met by a swarm of killer love-bugs, who then proceeded to torment me for the deaths of all of their distant cousins…and I couldn’t deny it…the evidence was on my windshield!” See the blame game.

These tendencies make relationships flat out hard.  How many times have arguments lingered for hours because one spouse (or both) blames his sin on the other spouse?  My counseling buddy in Jackson used to call this marital dodge-ball.  When one spouse points out sin in the other, the other then proceeds to point out the other’s sins. We dodge the real issue by trying to fix it ourselves.  We dodge confronting the issue by hiding and refusing to repent and confess our wrongs. We blame others for our trespasses and refuse to take ownership of what we have done. 

And on and on it goes, each person “dodging” the issue altogether.  Sin is never dealt with – it is never killed.  This is dangerous as all four of these are like fertilizer to sin.  Shame, independence, hiding and blame all make sin stronger, not weaker.  The longer it lingers, the more power it gains to destroy.

The only remedy is the gospel.  How so?  First, the gospel makes us unashamed.  Knowing that we are fully accepted before God, and that Christ has forgiven all of the trespasses that brought us shame, we can look our neighbor straight in the eye and say, “I am ashamed of my sins.  I tried for so long to fix them; but I couldn’t.  I’m sorry.  Christ, has taken my sins and has given me his righteousness.” 

Second, the gospel liberates us from trying to fix our problem with God – namely, our own sin.  Christ has taken our sin upon Himself.  God has punished that sin upon the Cross.  It is finished.  I cannot do more to remedy my situation than what Christ has already done.  This is Christian liberty.  This is grace.

Third, the gospel empowers us to walk in the light and not hide in the darkness.  Sin is best dealt with in the light.  We cannot remedy it ourselves (see above).  We need help.  We need a Savior.  So when a brother or sister in Christ confronts our sin, we confess it and get it all out on the table.  We then see what it looks like to have someone bear with us; to have someone forgive us; to have some one accept us, while we are yet sinners.  The gospel gives us courage to confess; for confessed sin give more occasion to grow closer than farther away from the Body of our Lord.

Last, the gospel puts an end to the blame game.  When we understand that sin is ours, then we can understand more fully that Christ died for US and for OUR sin.  When we blame, what we really say is that the other person needs a Savior, we don’t.  But when we take ownership of our sin, through repentance and faith, then we are owned by Christ.  

Saying More Than, "Stop That!"

Most of us have lived with addiction, either being an addict ourselves or having an addict relationally close to us.  We have experienced the roller coaster of "being clean", binging, lying, stealing, forgiving, rejoicing, and falling again.  How many times do we forgive is a significant question, along with how we forgive.  We want to see the person restored, but we do not want to enable either.  And when the tension becomes to much for us, we scream, "Stop doing that! Please!"

To our minds, the addict is afflicting so much pain so that they can experience whatever high they are living for.  Justice makes the verdict simple - they are selfish.  Mercy is almost impossible.  To introduce both (justice and mercy) is to introduce the Cross of Christ...sacrifice...selflessness...and even death.  So what are we to do?  The gospel is the only answer.  Death to addiction in another demands death in us.  We must loose our life.  

Our expectations must place in relation to Christ our Lord.  The gospel does not deliver according to our "fast-food" demands.  Patience is not a common strength in our day.  We cannot expect to share the gospel with someone enslaved to sin and see an immediate life change.  Sin lingers.  The gospel, remember, grows from the inside out; and it does so slowly.  If we would like to see a good example of this process, we need only look in the mirror.  And we must also remember that trees that grow quickly also break easily.

Understanding sin must be seen in the "gospel-light."  We plant seeds, trusting that God will bring His work about.  But the seed is sown deeper than the person's actions.  The gospel is deeper than, "Stop that."  It rather, goes into the heart, saying, "Why are you doing that?"  Sure, they may stop.  But as an old theologian once said, "Satan will gladly relieve a cold in order to give cancer."  The gospel doesn't replace idols, it slays them.

If sin is like a cold, bringing a remedy is more complex than saying to the person, "Stop sneezing!"  That would be ridiculous.  Rather, we find out what is going on inside.  There is an infection.  There is a distortion and deficiency in their immune system.  We dive deeper...to the root...and work to have it out. We don't like doing this.  Digging to the root demands getting dirty.  It demands strength, patience, and endurance.

And when the root is found, the gospel must be applied there.  It is at the root where the throat of sin must be cut.  But you cannot expect the tree to fall immediately.  It may continue to live for a while.  Other roots may need cutting.  The root may even regrow.  As Christians, we stay close, waiting, watching, relentlessly killing sin in ourselves and others.  We are a people with dirty hands, but with hearts cleansed by grace.  We are not afraid to get nasty.   We live to look like our Master, who first became gross before He was glorified; Who died in order that we may live.

Understanding why a person sins is costly.  We must get to know them more (not less).  We must understand their heart more (not less).  We must be in their life more (not less).  We must die to ourselves more (not less).  We have to understand that we, too, are just as sinful (not less).  We must understand that they need grace (like us).  We must feel the life-giving liberty of Christ (before we can give it).  The Gospel is for every person (not a few).  We are all in the same boat.  We are all addicts and are in need of more instruction than merely, "Stop that."

Slave Master: How Pornography Drugs & Changes Your Brain

Salvo Magazine: Slave Master: How Pornography Drugs & Changes Your Brain - Salvo 13

This is a very interesting article on the topic of pornography and addiction. Though I am careful and reluctant to say that pornography is merely a physical addiction; I do agree with the studies which show that it does affect the brain in physical ways.

Drugs are coping mechanisms we use to fill a need only Christ can meet.

Porn is devastating to say the least. There are many who hate it, but can't seem to stay away from it. It imposes itself on our families - even our children. And to be rid of it takes more power and work than a simple, "Stop that!"

We must know the gospel. We must preach and share the gospel of Christ. There is simply no other remedy. And we must be there, with imposing lives, embracing broken us-like sinners, bearing with them, with forgiveness, patience and love.

Pornography provides a far inferior pleasure to knowing Christ our Lord.

What Do We Really Want?

This is a question that we must answer, at least to ourselves, honestly and accurately.  What do we really want?  What does our heart really find satisfaction in?  What is it that I am willing to gladly spend the most time, money and effort doing?  These are some questions that help us get to the bottom of things.  They help us answer the main question at hand.

I remember a comment by John Piper that I heard a long time ago.  He said (and I am paraphrasing), "people in the world are not impressed with Christians who want the same things that they want, but only tack on a superficial 'Thanks God!' on Sundays."  In other words, if the Church wants the same things that the unbelieving world wants, the difference being only a matter of means, then the unbelieving world doesn't see God as the greatest Treasure, but only as a means to getting some inferior worldly treasure.  Sorry for the long sentence.

Allow me to give some implications:

1.  This lifestyle promotes idolatry.  This is perhaps the most dangerous implication.  Why?  Because idolatry is forbidden in the first commandment.  But we must not stop here.  Breaking the first commandment leads, necessarily, to the breaking of the others.  In other words, in breaking other commandments, we ultimately break the first, and vise versa.  For the moralist (like me), this is devastating, but needed news. Using God as a means for getting what the world wants without God is not worship of God, but something less than God.  Again, this is idolatry.  It is wanting something other than God.

When I want something more than God, I am willing to break God's rules to get it.  This is called stealing, coveting, and lying.  When I want someone else's spouse more than God, then I am willing to break God's rules to get their attention.  This is called idolatry, but also adultery.

2.  This lifestyle leads people into a greater misunderstanding of human nature.  Mankind was made for God.  When man fell from God, the separation caused a God-shaped hole in the human heart.  The hole is a vacuum that attempts to fill itself with anything it can.  This is called human desire.  We can call it craving, appetite or longing.  This is important to understand so that when we feel a desire we can seek to fill it properly.  We are spiritual beings and can only be filled by the God who is Spirit.  To try and fill our deepest cravings with earthly things, denies this spiritual nature.

3.  This lifestyle leads people into greater bondage.  The hole in the heart is too great for small, earthly things.  They simply will not fill it.  Food won't - that's why we get hungry multiple times a day.  Drink won't - that's why we get thirsty multiple times a day.  Sex won't - that's why the sexual act satisfies for short periods of time.  Money won't - that's why those who have a lot of it only want more.  Power won't - that's why those with great power also have the greatest amount of anxiety and fear of losing it.  And they will loose it one day.  Popularity won't fill the whole - that's why we despair when we think about how fickle the human heart is.  People like us one day, and don't like us another.  Material possessions won't - that's why we have to have a new phone, car, house, clothes, or whatever, all the time!

In short, trying to fill a spiritual, God-shaped hole, is like trying to fill the universe with water using a squirt gun.  We try forever, and get nowhere.  This is bondage.  We are never satisfied.  We never get what we want.

4.  This lifestyle keeps us from realizing what we really need.  In affluent America, we have the ability to satisfy even the smallest craving.  Money allows for this.  When we even think we are hungry, we can have french fries within minutes!  No need to wait on mommy to cook.  We don't like to crave for too long.  Fill it now, before the craving gets too strong.  Get the new phone NOW.  Get the new whatever NOW.  What?  You don't have the money?  That's okay!  You want it.  Get it.  Now.  We finance!  Who needs prayer when you've got money!

Instead of allowing our wants to become great, we squash them.  But as stated before, we have hundreds of cravings; and to keep all of them happy, we become tired people.  Hint, hint.  And we ultimately, don't get "hungry" enough to realize that only God will fill the cavity.  We ignore Augustine who said, "We were created for You Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee."

5.  This lifestyle destroys relationships with others (not to mention our relationship with God, which is implied in every point).  How can this be?  Well, think about it.  Our deepest cravings are relational in nature.  We don't like to be alone.  Even the most materialistic people try marriage.  We think we want to be alone so that we can do whatever we want, but we soon find out that what we want is not aloneness.  When our house is empty, we sit on the floor, look at all of our possessions and long for the times when we had nothing and when we genuinely laughed with others.

So, we get off of the floor and try a relationship.  This lasts for a while.  But when we try and fill the craving with a person, we soon realize they just don't fill it either.  So we stretch them.  We pull them in all directions.  We make people bigger than they are supposed to be.  This is called abuse.  This is why we get angry when people don't do what we want them to.  This is why we try sex before marriage.  This is why we go into deep depression when people leave us.  This is why we can't seem to stay in a relationship.

Side note:  have you ever wondered why people stay in abusive relationships?  This is why.  Often what we want is not what the other wants.  We want them and they want something else.  So, when we get in the way of what they want, they abuse us.  But we ultimately want them, so, in order to keep them, we enable the behavior.  We allow them to keep pursuing what they want, which is not God.  This is not love - but manipulation.  Both are abusive in some way; but definitely in different degrees.

What we really want is God (real need).  They (the felt need) are not God.  So when they don't fill, we abuse them, and then toss them for something (or someone) else.  Simple enough.

Another side note:  this is why pornography is so popular.  When sex with another doesn't quite do the trick, we twist it and make it into something that it was never intended to be.  This is also the reason why those who begin with soft porn, eventually end up pedophiles if they continue in their quest to fill themselves with sex.  This obviously destroys relationships.

6.  This lifestyle defames God and paralyzes evangelism and missions.  Ed Stetzer wrote in Comeback Churches, "It's ironic that most evangelical churches are filled with people who live very much like the world but look different from it.  It should be exactly the opposite.  We should look similar to those in our community but act differently."

When a person finds the Treasure that fills his greatest desire, he rests.  God is the Treasure.  And when we have God, we rest.  The cavity is filled.  We lack no more.  Sure, we have small cravings, but those are small indicators that our true fulfillment is in God, through Christ.

You see, if we simply had the Treasure, this would not be enough.  First we must know that it is secure.  We must know that we can never loose it.  Otherwise we live in constant fear of loosing what is most dear to us.  This is the sort of feeling I get when I think of loosing my wife, or one of my children.  But what if we could have God and know that we could never loose Him!  Threats to our lively-hood no longer cary the punch they used to.  In Christ, we are safely hidden in God (Col 3:1-4)!!  So the next time you think about the tragedy of loosing a loved one, think upon Christ to satisfy your despair.

This leads me to my second point.  We must also know why it is secure.  Simply put, our Treasure is secure because it was bought with Christ's blood.  His blood covers the only thing that compromises our security - our sin.  In Christ, we have our Treasure eternally.  It is based on His work, not ours.

7.  Finally, this lifestyle leads us to a misplaced hope which is insulting to God.  Our hope is not on this earth.  Our hearts are finally filled with only spiritual things.  That is why we must pass all earthly things through the "unto the glory of God" test.

If we eat, sure the food satisfies; more than that however, God, the provider of the food Ultimately satisfies!  This protects us from obesity and anorexia in all areas of life - not just food.  Place your Ultimate hope in the New Heavens and New Earth, and the Crown of Glory that you will receive on the Last Day!  Your best life is not now.  You have the down payment for sure - in the Holy Spirit.  It is the Holy Spirit that reminds us that we are spiritual and not earthly.  We eagerly await our Heavenly Home.

In summary, ask yourself what you really want in life.  How do you find this out?  Ask God (Ps 139).  Then survey your life to see what situations drive you to anger, despair, depression or other sins.  What is it at those moments that is threatened?  What is it that you are willing to break God's commandments to get?  What is it that causes you to say, "Sunday is for God...THIS does not apply."  It is work?  Whatever, IT is, it is an idol.

Once located, dethrone the idol.  It will not ultimately satisfy.  Call a spade a spade.  Tell the truth.  Repent of idolatry - this simply means, drop the idol on the ground.  Empty your hands.  Then turn them upwards toward Christ in heaven.  Embrace Him by faith and receive fulfillment and satisfaction eternal!

And when the world sees you forsaking its treasures, it will ask, "What is it that you have that makes you so calm during adversity and trials?  What do you have that keeps you satisfied so that you don't need a whole bunch of stuff?"

When they ask...tell them about the Truth.  Tell them what you really want (Ps. 73:25).

Voddie Baucham on Piper's Leave of Absence

I am endebted to my buddy Jeffery Reed for sending me this article. And yes, Jeffery, I appreciate you very much. Thanks for thinking of me as often as you do.

Here is the article:

John Piper has taught me much over the years. I consider it an honor to count him as a friend, and I am deeply saddened by his recent announcement that he will be taking a leave of absence for the remainder of 2010. In explaining his leave of absence, he writes:

The difference between this leave and the sabbatical I took four years ago is that I wrote a book on that sabbatical (What Jesus Demands from the World). In 30 years, I have never let go of the passion for public productivity. In this leave, I intend to let go of all of it. No book-writing. No sermon preparation or preaching. No blogging. No Twitter. No articles. No reports. No papers. And no speaking engagements. There is one stateside exception—the weekend devoted to the Desiring God National Conference combined with the inaugural convocation of Bethlehem College and Seminary in October. Noël thought I should keep three international commitments. Our reasoning is that if she could go along, and if we plan it right, these could be very special times of refreshment together.

As I contemplated Dr. Piper’s words, I could not help but realize that even in what must be a devastating moment for him, he is still teaching those of us who are listening. Here are a few things I hope we all learn:

1. I hope we learn that no man is indispensable, and that that it is the Lord, and not man who can proclaim, “I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” (Matt 16:18).

John Piper is arguably the biggest name in evangelicalism today. He is known throughout the world for his unique gifts and extraordinary mind. He is a modern-day Jonathan Edwards who would never admit as much. Even so, he is not the cause of Bethlehem Baptist Church’s success. That distinction belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ. John Piper is no more than decorated dust, and he knows it (that’s one of the things I love most about him, and one of the reasons his announcement is so surprising). God has used him in amazing ways, but the Lord’s work does not rise and fall with a single man. It never has, and it never will. I hope we learn this lesson over the next eight months.

1. I hope we learn that there are pastors out there who take their calling and qualifications seriously.

How often do we hear about pastors whose marriages and families are in complete shambles, but they hold on to their pulpits? I receive emails frequently with questions like, “my pastor just got a separation from his wife, but he won’t step down... what should I do?” I went to seminary with a pastor who was arrested for having sex with a teenage girl and was in the pulpit the next day. Another pastor here in the Houston area was caught on tape sexually harassing a male staff member, and is still in his pulpit years later in spite of the fact that the vulgar tapes (exposing both his bisexuality and his indecency) were played on the local news (see story here)!

As a result, many people have a bad taste in their mouth when it comes to pastors. Now here comes John Piper who writes:

Noël and I are rock solid in our commitment to each other, and there is no whiff of unfaithfulness on either side. But, as I told the elders, “rock solid” is not always an emotionally satisfying metaphor, especially to a woman. A rock is not the best image of a woman’s tender companion. In other words, the precious garden of my home needs tending. I want to say to Noël that she is precious to me in a way that, at this point in our 41-year pilgrimage, can be said best by stepping back for a season from virtually all public commitments.

That’s right... no adultery, no scandal, just a man who recognizes his need to turn his attention toward home in an effort to live up to his calling as a husband, father and pastor in ways he has not done in the recent past. What an incredible testimony to the rest of us! Moreover, what an incredible testimony to a world that has grown weary of pastoral scandals.

1. I hope we learn that no ministry is as important in a pastor’s life as the ministry of marriage.

For generations, pastors have felt justified (if not obligated) in sacrificing their marriage and family on the altar of ministry. Billy Graham, for example, has been painfully honest about his failures in this area. In one Father’s Day article, he wrote:

Whenever I did get home for a short stay between engagements, I would get a crash course in the agony and ecstasy of parenting. If Ruth had not been convinced that God had called her to fulfill that side of our partnership, and had not resorted constantly to God’s Word for instruction and to His grace for strength, I don’t see how she could have survived.

Franklin was almost six by the time Ned came along. With two boys in the household, my fathering was more urgently needed than ever. Still, sometimes I was away for months at a time (emphasis added).

Unfortunately, since his kids “turned out alright,” people rarely mention this tragic side of Billy Graham’s ministry. Others like Charles Stanley have gone as far as getting divorced (after years of separation) without even missing a stride! And this after telling his congregation in 1995, “If my wife divorces me, I would resign immediately.” (see here)

The message in each of these cases was clear: “Ministry before marriage!” However, John Piper, though he, like many of us, may have fallen victim to this mantra at some point, has here said (about as clearly as a man in his position can say) “Marriage before ministry!” I pray that God not only heals John’s marriage and family; I pray God uses his stance to drive me and others to our knees in humble confession and repentance for any and every instance where we have neglected our first ministry... that of our marriage.

1. I hope we learn that it’s never too late to improve your marriage.

There are people out there who have endured difficulties in their marriages for years. Many have lost any sense of hope that things will get better, or that their spouse could even be willing to try. May this bold and biblical act by John Piper serve to remind us all that God is able to bring about change at any stage in a marriage. John writes:

Personally, I view these months as a kind of relaunch of what I hope will be the most humble, happy, fruitful five years of our 35 years at Bethlehem and 46 years [sic] of marriage. Would you pray with me to that end?

1. I hope we learn that the world loves it when we fail.

When you preach like John Piper does, you make your share of enemies. Unfortunately, many of these enemies will jump at this opportunity to gloat. They sense blood in the water, and they are already starting to circle. (see here and here, for example) I am not arguing that John Piper or anyone else is above criticism (see Tim Challies’s recent blog about John’s decision to invite Rick Warren to this year’s Desiring God conference for an example). However, this goes beyond criticism.

1. I hope we learn that a true plurality of elders is not only biblical; it is also a great blessing.

Men like John Piper are often thought of as “Lone Ranger” types whose name and reputation are so big that no one would dare question or challenge them. However, anyone associated with John’s ministry knows better. First, John is committed to a plurality of elders model of church leadership. Second, the elder body at BBC is a true plurality. John is truly accountable to the elder body (see here). This is a great comfort for those who serve in situations where there is true plurality. However, it should serve as a great warning for the “Lone Ranger” pastor with no one to keep watch over his soul, and no one (with actual authority in his life) to ask him the hard questions.

1. I hope husbands learn to “live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1 Pet 3:7)

We mustn’t forget that at the heart of all of this is Noël Piper. At bottom, this is about a man who recognizes the need to “live with his wife in an understanding way...” and his failure at some level to do so. This is about a husband saying to his wife, “There is nothing in my life (other than my walk with Christ) that supersedes my relationship with you... not even my international fame.” Regardless of the outcome, this should be a lesson to us all.

1. I hope we learn the subtle power of pride

The sin to which John refers in his public announcement is pride. He writes:

I asked the elders to consider this leave because of a growing sense that my soul, my marriage, my family, and my ministry-pattern need a reality check from the Holy Spirit... I see several species of pride in my soul that, while they may not rise to the level of disqualifying me for ministry, grieve me, and have taken a toll on my relationship with Noël and others who are dear to me.

Pride is a frightening sin. The Bible is replete with harsh warnings for the proud: “Love the LORD, all you his saints! The LORD preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.” (Psa 31:23) “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” (Prov 11:2) “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Prov 16:18) “ And of course, we all know, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”” (James 4:6; cf. Prov 3:34)

Ironically, John Piper is known as a humble man. In fact, I have characterized him that way myself. Anyone who has spent time with him would probably agree. Nevertheless, his own words reveal how easy it is for pride to take hold, and take its toll even in the life of a quiet, unassuming, deferential man. This should cause those of us in public ministry to tremble.

1. I hope we learn to allow for discretion.

If we are honest, we would have to admit that we all want more information. What are the sins? How long has this gone on? Is there more? These are the bits of information our flesh craves. This is especially true in our facebook, twitter, blogspot, podcast world where we have almost unlimited access to the thoughts, words, and sometimes secrets of celebrities both inside and outside the church. We feel as though we have a right to know. However, we do not. This is a private matter between a man and his wife. He has dealt with this with the elders to whom he is accountable and they have determined that there is no need for information beyond what has been provided.

Reading what a man like John Piper writes, hearing what he says, and getting a glimpse into the way he thinks are all privileges. Reading someone’s blog, however, does not mean we have a relationship with them. And even if we did have a personal relationship with him, that wouldn’t give us the right to intimate details about his marriage. Perhaps there is more to come about the relation of these particular “sins” to his public ministry, but for now this is a marital issue.

My prayer for John and his family is that this time will give them the space they need to heal. Unfortunately, the harsh reality is that the Christian version of “The National Enquirer” will kick in soon enough and we’ll probably have pictures of John above captions claiming that he’s actually an alien from another planet (thus explaining his extraordinary intelligence), and his wife just couldn’t take it anymore.

While this is obviously an exaggeration, I hope it proves to be based on a completely unwarranted fear. However, I doubt it.

1. I hope we learn to “let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Cor 10:12)

I feel sorry for the pastor who heard this news and said, “‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this [struggling pastor].” (Luke 18:11) News like this should cause us all to proclaim along with Paul, “that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (1 Tim 1:15)

VB

To Forgive or Not to Forgive those Who are Unrepentant

There have been many discussions on this topic. I know I always thought that I must forgive everyone the same - those who repent and those who do not. Then I read Pink's take on the whole issue where he states and emphasizes the 'if they repent' clause, then you forgive (from Luke 17). This is tricky. Why? B/c it can be easily abused. There is no license in Scripture to keep a grudge against those who have offended and have not repented. But, at the same time, we do desire to take the Scripture seriously ('if' clauses and all).

Here is Piper's take on it which I find very enlightening and comforting. It is perhaps the most balanced view that I have read.

He states:

Forgiveness of an unrepentant person doesn't look the same as forgiveness of a repentant person.

In fact I am not sure that in the Bible the term forgiveness is ever applied to an unrepentant person. Jesus said in Luke 17:3-4, "Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him." So there's a sense in which full forgiveness is only possible in response to repentance.

But even when a person does not repent (cf. Matthew 18:17), we are commanded to love our enemy and pray for those who persecute us and do good to those who hate us (Luke 6:27).

The difference is that when a person who wronged us does not repent with contrition and confession and conversion (turning from sin to righteousness), he cuts off the full work of forgiveness. We can still lay down our ill will; we can hand over our anger to God; we can seek to do him good; but we cannot carry through reconciliation or intimacy.

The whole message can be found HERE.

Pastoring against Pornography and all other Jacked Up Stuff...

The very first day I stepped foot in my office, the role of pastor became an immediate reality. I was fresh off of the seminary campus. My mind was filled with every bit of theological, missiological, ecclesiological and "any-other-ological" information that a student could learn in a classroom. Sure a pastor is always theologizing and gaining information - but, what came through that door, on my first day, was no class project - it was no seminary exam. What came through those doors was a man; and from the looks of him, he was "all jacked up."

Suddenly, I began going through the files in my head, searching for the right folder that would tell me how to address his issues. My search pulled up nothing. My eyes looked just past his to my precious books. I scanned the titles hoping that I could just put a book in his hand and show him out the door. No book found.

I was stuck. I was without a word. Here was a man who couldn't sleep for all of the pornographic images that ran through his head. A priest is what he asked for. He got me - a newbie. I was wholly ill-equipped to "bless him to make the demons go away." I didn't learn that in seminary. What was I to do?

This man was enslaved. So, I just closed my eyes (for a second, so that I didn't look weird) and prayed. Soon, I began to think about slavery. A man doesn't have to think far to know or remember slavery. Pornography alone is the master that many men know so well. It captivates, enslaves, condemns, and burdens with many stripes. His images just wouldn't go away. I knew that kind of slavery. I have been there. And, honestly, it only takes a sudden image on the television screen - or even an immodest outfit, to introduce "the wave" or "the rush" that we all know to well.

So as I prayed and began to remember what bondage was like. The overwhelming realization that I got was that I too, was "all jacked up." There was a slight difference though. But the difference was an alien one. In other words, it was not a difference that I could take credit for.

This gentleman did not know Christ. He did not understand the Gospel. He did not know freedom, confession and repentance. Because of redemption, I do. And I found that the gift that I possess, in Christ, began to pour out of me. It was the strangest thing. When I came off my high horse and began to feel the weight of my sin, I began to share the simplest of truths. Christ lived the life that we should have lived. He died the death that we should have died. Because of Christ, those who embrase Him by faith and repentance are more loved and accepted than they ever could imagine. All the sudden, we were two jacked up men talking about one amazing Savior. Amazing.

This guy didn't look like me. He didn't smell like me. He didn't talk, walk, or even think like me. We both knew that. Realizing our sin and slavery, however, brought us to one common ground. And it was there that we spoke of our common need for Christ.

Its been about 8 months since that day. He still comes to church on and off. He even brings people with him. His life doesn't look like mine. He says he believes and trusts in Christ. I believe him. I am realizing that salvation doesn't look the same in all of us. There are, I understand, common fruits of the Spirit that must be there. But we all are being sanctified, according to the wisdom and mercy of God. We are the same, but we are not too.

We are brothers. Now when he walks in the doors, with smiles, we give a nice man-hug. I truly want to know how he is doing. As a pastor and fellow Christian, I long to see that day when pornography and all other jacked up stuff will be finally done away with. Sure, he came that first day for help. But as the ole cliche goes, I think I received more help than he. Isn't Christ amazing!

Here are some good resources for battling pornography that I thought you might like. If you don't have an "issue" with pornography, I suggest you read at least some of these articles. They will help you understand those who do struggle.

Breaking Pornography Addiction - Part 1 | CCEF

Breaking Pornography Addiction - Part Two | CCEF

Tim Challies' booklet on Sexual Detox for Married and Single Men

How do you counsel a husband who has hurt his wife with his pornography struggle?

For those who are in, or are aspiring to be in ministry; even to those who simply desire to love others in the church - here is an extremely useful post.

How do you counsel a husband who has hurt his wife with his pornography struggle?