We all know it too well - the tug o' war of life. In marriage it is experienced all too often. The wife is really good at cleaning, and the husband is not. Or, one is really good at confronting, while the other is really good at waiting (both are needed).
In our house, Katie is really good at remembering very small details about our lives - like family birthdays, household chores that need to be done, doctor and dentist appointments, and so on. I, on the other hand, am horrible with remembering small details. If it were up to me, the kids wouldn't go to their checkups or the dentist! I'm doing good just to feed them when Katie is not around! I simply don't remember. But, I think I do a decent job steering the family in the direction of God's will for our lives. Big decisions are easier for me (I think) than for Katie. We are a great team.
However, because one person's strength is the other's weakness, opportunity often arises to become frustrated. Just think of it. Because Katie is so good with remembering things, she cannot comprehend (unless she stops to think about it) how or why I am not. So, when I forget to call my mom on her birthday (which I did last year!), she (Katie) gets a bit frustrated. Let the tug o' war begin!
What we have hear is a wonderful situation, but one that could easily go bad. This is the tug o' war of life in relationships. And it happens in other arenas as well - not just marriage. Sit back and think of the friends that God has given to you. Are they strong in an area where you are particularly weak? If so, isn't that a great gift? Sure it is. But like I said earlier, this gift is also fragile. Your strong friend is gonna be quick to see your weaknesses. And vise versa. He/she is going to be quick to see the "wrinkles" in your life and character. And when our wrinkles rub up against the wrinkles of another - again, let the tug o' war begin!
Every human experiences this - Christian and non-Christian alike. It is the Christian, however, that has the only reasonable way of using such occasions (tug o' wars and wrinkles) for their God-ordained purposes. The Gospel is our guide and help to use these for the edification, encouragement, and strengthening of our brother or sister. The Gospel is the only way to take the "tug" out of the "war" as it shows us where our wrinkles can be dealt with properly and peacefully - namely, to the Prince of Peace who has already fought the war (by the way, a "wrinkle" is closely related to sin - it is that part of us that frustrates, offends, or hurts others).
C.S. Lewis said in one of his books (I can't remember which one) that "we all have wrinkles in our lives that God has no intention of ironing out." In other words, God has decided to allow sin to linger in each and every one of our lives. As John Owen said, "Sin still dwells, but it no long has dominion."
I am thankful for honest friends. Last night one of them said something to the effect of, "It has been so encouraging learning the right way to relate to each other in our marriage, and how to handle arguments and such. But it is so frustrating to be in the heat of an argument (which is another way of saying - a tug o' war caused by wrinkles rubbing together:), and not implementing what I have learned." I totally understand what she was talking about. Thank you AP for your honesty.
Well, why is that? Why does it seem that as Christians we learn exactly how to deal with a situation, but when we get into it, we throw it out the window? Why does sin still linger? Why is it that we are so weak at those moments when we need to be so strong? Where is God?
He is there. Oh yes, He is there. And He will gladly take our strength in order to bring us to confession of our weaknesses. He will gladly show us the futility of tug o' war - where either you keep using all of your energy pulling your way, just to have the other pulling their way; getting weaker by the second to see the situation going nowhere - or to see the other fall flat on their face. There is no victory in either case. So why allow it God?
The answer is clear. Drop the rope and look to Christ in faith and repentance. Our goal in seeing the wrinkles in others is not to show them how strong we are by pulling the rope harder than they do. That's not real strength. Christ showed His superior strength, not in condemning us, but in saving us when He had every right to condemn us. When He had every right to beat us for our sins, He took a beating for our sins. When He had every right to fight us, He forgave us. Think of it this way. How much strength does it take to see and show someone that they are wrong? None at all. Anyone can do that (for the most part). Now, think about how much strength it takes to forgive them...to help them in their weakness...to take their sins to the Cross. It takes divine strength.
What lesson does the Gospel teach us? When we play tug o' war, we can expect to get really tired and to fall flat on our face. Wrinkles are no occasion for fighting - but they are great occasions for forgiving. And when we do fight and fall on our face (namely, by not implementing what we know we are supposed to do), we understand that this is a perfect opportunity to glorify Christ in repentance, forgiveness and faith. It is a great opportunity to see just how strong our God is!
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