I fight the war often. It is something I despise about this fallen world. There is a battle around every corner; an unknown, imposed image under every rock, that threatens to introduce, yet again, something my heart should desire more than God. Pornographic images have the ability to lead us into the abyss of passionate irrationality. We know it doesn't make sense, but we love it anyway. We all know it will bring guilt and pain, yet we watch anyway. When we feel the wave of temptation, our hearts begin a ravaging quest for the justification of immorality.
I know the battle too well. I know what it's like to lose it. I know what it's like to watch my wife weep after she hears I have looked upon another woman lustfully. But, I also know what it's like to win it. Beyond all of my previous expectations, I know what it's like to live without fear of being condemned with shame and guilt tomorrow. I never thought I would see a day when I would feel freedom.
I also know, however, that this dragon does not completely die (yet). There is something to the AA line - once an addict, always an addict. It is not uncommon for me to speak of victory only to have the war waged all over again soon after.
Here are some ways that I continue to fight my war against pornography:
I take every precaution I can to keep "triggers" out of my life. I have removed the Safari, Google, and other internet browsing apps from my phone. I simply cannot access them. I have found that if I do not have access, I am less tempted.
I have the "delete apps" option disabled in my restriction settings (which are passcode protected). That way if I decide in a moment of weakness to download a browsing app, I won't be able to delete it. My accountability partners know to check my phone often. If they find this type of app, they smell blood and quickly go in for the kill.
Covenant Eyes has a browsing app that is pretty good. I really miss Safari on my phone, but CE is sufficient.
I don't watch television very much at all. Anything I cannot control, I steer away from. Netflix is a good option. I simply got sick of being bombarded with half-naked women on regular television.
I typically don't go to the beach or swimming pools either. This is a real inconvenience for my family, but it is a sacrifice that my wife is willing to make. I will usually go to these places when I know they are "under control." I will go to private pools and beaches early on week days. I simply cannot go to a place where it is completely acceptable for women to wear underwear. This is no judgment at all - it is just the reality of my situation. I wish it wasn't so.
I avoid being alone during vulnerable times. This is less of a problem for me now that I am married with four kids. But should my family go out of town, I stay at a friend's house or Starbucks until I am ready for bed. Even then I am in communication with my wife over the phone. When I go home, I go to bed.
Being tired, bored, and/or lonely is a breading ground for pornographic temptation.
I look down a lot. Too much of what women wear these days is completely immodest. So, I fight to bounce my eyes. When I see immodesty I simply drag my eyes the other way. A woman's flesh is a magnet for a man's eyes. Women should know that low and tight clothing attracts visual attention. If I see it, I will immediately look away. Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes its not.
Removing triggers really does help. But it doesn't solve the issue completely.
I have personal accountability in my life who love me enough to dig around. My wife and three other men make up my accountability team. If I struggle, I tell them. They all get my Covenant Eyes report on a regular basis and are faithful to call should something look fishy. By the way, if you are someone's accountability partner, always call if you see something fishy. If I feel as if my reports are not scrubbed, I am more tempted to go to sites.
If I should fall, they are there to address my fallenness redemptively and in a Christ-centered way. They love me enough to be hurt by my actions. And they love Christ enough to talk to me about him while they are hurting.
These tangible experiences have been, by far, the most redemptive in my life. They are tangible representations of grace, forgiveness, justification and the cross. They hurt, but they heal. The Holy Spirit is necessary for both as one struggles to confess while the other struggles to forgive. Grace is sufficient.
I regularly receive counseling. This helps me know my own heart. I have people in my life who search me out, who ask tough questions, and who are skilled to handle the mess of my life. Find these people and commune with them often.
I wish I could say that Scripture memory has helped, but it hasn't all that much. This is something that I am working on. The Scriptures are sufficient for this though, just not in that way (right now). They have been sufficient to lead me to Christ. Understanding his Lordship in my life has broken the chains that previously bound me.
Entrusting myself to his control has been the most helpful. Pornography was my way to gain control of my life. When things get chaotic, it get tempted. But now, when I am tempted, I meditate and reflect on Christ's Lordship - his control, his presence and his authority. I also reflect on his sacrifice on my behalf that makes it judicially possible for the Father to smile upon this mess of a man. When I ponder his smile, I am less tempted to sin.
I hope this post has been helpful for you. The battle must be won through faith and repentance on a daily basis. The battle must be fought in community and not alone. It is not a matter of going from sinful to sinless - from lustful to "lustless." He does wash us, but we cannot simply stop our hearts from going after other gods. We must cling to him daily. Sanctification is a process. The Lord is faithful to slay this dragon through many episodes of wounding and healing. There is hope. There is freedom.
Here are some other posts that may help:
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