I Have a Confession to Make...

That's what I told my wife the other day while we were driving down the road. As I felt frustratingly handcuffed by the new laws prohibiting phone usage (namely, texting and use of apps) while driving and while stopped at intersections, I came to the realization that I am a phone addict.

It's a problem that seems so trivial and silly, but it is a problem nonetheless. Though relieved I was only confessing a problem with my phone, my wife did agree with me. Later, I even went and asked my seven-year-old daughter if she thought I loved my phone too much.

She said she did.

I doubt I am alone in this. If you are one who still carries around a flip-phone, you may think it weird I would be writing about such a thing. Or, you may even be saying, "See, that's why I refuse to get an iPhone!" But, if you have a smartphone, you probably know exactly where I am. You probably have had the same concerns.

Am I technically an "addict"? I don't really know. All I know is that I have a problem. And here are some ways I came to this realization.

1. Phone usage in the home has been a touchy issue for some time. My wife and I don't necessarily nag each other about using our phones, but we do recognize when we are using the phones (for whatever reason) too much. I know I have a problem when I get upset with her when she asks me to look away from my handheld devise while the children are speaking to me. If an issue is "touchy," there may be a problem.

2. I can't seem to keep my hands off of it. When I am idle, even for a minute or two, I cannot resist looking at my phone - even when there is no indication of communicative activity. I will just turn it on, look at it, and wonder what I can look at next. News? Facebook? Instagram?

3. I use it when I know I am not supposed to. I have often understood that if a person is willing to sin, or break a good law in order to have something, that something is an idol.

I text while driving.

I even play chess with friends while I'm driving too.

It's hard for me to admit and confess those things. This fact is just adds to the evidence of my problem.

4. As mentioned before, I use my phone when my children are around; and even when they are actively engaging me. This makes me sick when I think about it. The last thing I want them to say when they grow up is their daddy loved his phone more than he loved them. And I sure don't want to confront their potential problems with technology only to have them say, "I learned it from you."

5. It is more common for me to touch my phone in the morning before I touch my wife. It is more common for me to communicate to others via phone (typically through email), before I communicate with my wife via a kiss. Enough said.

6. My phone usage communicates to others that what they are saying to me is not important to me. I text message while in staff meetings. I want to look at my phone during session/elder meetings. I am sure my boss notices this. I am sure friends notice it too. My confession is probably been known for some time by others. My phone is something in my life that makes me less than loving.

7. I think my brain and attention span has been altered - seriously. Before my smartphone days, I could sit and read, study, or think for hours. Now, I can barely do those things for 20 or 30 minutes without looking to my phone. This is a problem.

I am sure I could list other reasons (or symptoms!), but these will suffice for now. I think it would be good at this point to list some things I am doing to address the issue.

1. I confessed and repented of my idolatry. I repented to my wife and my children. I want them to know that my behavior is not right - that it is less than what the Lord desires. Last night, I also prayed with my wife and repented to the Lord for loving my phone (and what my phone gives me) more than him and others.

2. I am trying very hard not to use my phone while I drive (at all). Talking will be a rare exception, but certainly no texting or reading or gaming.

3. While I am with other people (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) I put my phone away. If I am at home, I leave it on the dresser (note: this may be why I am not returning calls, texts, or emails as quickly as I used to). And if I am with others outside of the home, I simply don't look at it. The only exception I have made to this rule is if I receive two consecutive calls as this could mean emergency.

4. I am trying to actively engage my idle times as opportunities for prayer, and waiting on the Lord. I am fighting to think on things above and resist the overwhelming temptation to know more (whether news, "likes" on Facebook, new pics on Instagram, etc.).

Technology is a glorious thing - even a wonderful thing. I am ashamed that I have made it god-like. Please pray for me as I detox and make every effort to love people better. I'm not going to get rid of my iPhone. I don't think that's the solution. Rather, I hope to move forward in faith and repentance, allowing others to correct and encourage me, as I use my phone for the glory of God.