Freedom to Stay.

What is Christian freedom?  This is a question that has been on my mind for some time.  I even wrote my first exegesis paper on the topic from Galatians 5.  For me, the "problem of freedom" is not merely intellectual, but very much experiential.  I wrote the paper, but it never gripped my  heart.  I admit that I was and am very much on the struggling journey from my head to my heart.  I am on a mission to feel what I know.

Recently, however, I have seen a great light.  The light encourages me that seminary did not prove to be a cemetery for me.  The gospel, as presented through the book of Colossians, has opened the doors to some dark closets in my life.  I didn't even know they existed.  It's a bit scary to have the light of the gospel open the door to some of the darkest places in our lives.    It is comforting to know (and this is the nature of the gospel) that when Christ opens the doors, He does so with redemptive goals.  He comes to expose and dethrone the idols, and to rescue us.  He comes to bring freedom.  

I am free.  Words on this computer screen do no justice to the gratitude that is flowing now from my heart.  In the past freedom invaded my intellect.  Now it is invading my heart.  

I am writing with a motive.  I want to share this freedom with you.   

When we hear people say "freedom" in our day, it is important to understand that they are not usually talking about the freedom that Christ alone can give.  I believe they mean freedom or liberty to do what they want, when they want; without interruption or interference due to economic, societal, or relational conflict.  They proclaim that people should be free to desire and obtain what they want with no interference.  And when interference comes about, one is free to do with it what they will, as long as the end desired is achieved.  Bondage is defined in terms of the end.  Bondage is not being free to have what a person wants.

So the important question to us all is..."What do we want?"  If we have it, we are free (at least for a time, depending on what it is).  If we do not have it, we are not free.  I hope you see where I am going.

For so long I wanted other things.  I did not ultimately want Christ.  Christ did become convenient as a means to gain what I ultimately wanted.  What was that?  My own glory - I want(ed) my own way.  I wanted to be God.  I wanted to be right, accepted, and filled by people and things.  

I did not understand that the hole in my life that I was trying to fill could only be filled by Christ.  Therefore, I lived in a constant state of lack.  When I felt my depravity, I tried desperately to fill myself with any earthly thing I could find.  These are called idols.  They were things from which (or whom) I tried to derive my ultimate acceptance and satisfaction.

Sex was on the throne of my life for so long.  And when it didn't ultimately fill me, I resorted to distorting it through pornography and fornication.  Sure, marriage helped dethrone it for a time; but marriage is not Christ.  Marriage will not ultimately fill either.  Neither marriage or sex freed me from my depravity - from my bondage to emptiness.

This is why so many people don't stay in marriage or relationships.  The essential need in our life has everything to do with intimacy - with relationship.  But when we try to fill ourselves with earthly relationships (which are good, but not ultimate), we soon find that the craving still exists.  The tension still exists in the core of our being.  The hole of bondage is still there.

So what do we do?  We try and stretch the relationship to fill the hole.  This is called abuse - placing others under bondage to our desires.    And when that doesn't work (and it won't!), we leave.  We abandon the relationship in search for something that will finally and ultimately fill us.  This is called abandonment and neglect.  When earthly relationships become an impediment to obtaining what we really want - we simply get rid of them...all in the name of freedom.  We believe we are free to leave.

And this is where I found myself.  I have never wanted to leave my marriage; but I confess that I have distorted it and neglected it.  But God, in His rich mercy and grace, brought light (again) to my darkness. This is the grace of sanctification.  Understanding the gospel has brought such freedom to my life.  Knowing and understanding that I am both accepted (justified) and filled in Christ is the greatest news I have ever heard (this is Colossians 2:9-15).  In Christ, I am filled with every spiritual blessing (Eph 1).  No more lack.  No more fear of loosing my Ultimate, being safely hidden.  God is my Ultimate forever.  

My sins no longer keep me from Him (3:3).  My life is no longer characterized by lack - but fullness.  And when I crave physically, I understand that as an occasion to look heavenward, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God!  Physical things will not ultimately fill me.  My appetites for food, drink, sex, or whatever are a simple reminder that I am a spiritual being in an earthly wilderness.  Sure these things are good...and I praise God for them (James 1:17).  I love good food and I love my wife.  But they are not my Ultimate.

This is true freedom.  It is freedom to love my wife like Christ loves the Church.  It is freedom to love others in a selfless way.  Christ is the only Ultimate that commands my love for others.  And by His Spirit, He provides the ability to do just that.  I am free to loose my earthly life for the sake of Christ - for the sake of others.  This is the life of one who is finally filled.  When relationships get difficult, the gospel assures me that they will not interfere with my Treasure.  But when I bear with others, I find my Treasure (in heaven) increases!  I am free to stay - in marriage, in my job, in my role as father, son, brother, and friend.  All praise is due my Lord who has set me free.