Wake Up Parents Before Technology Puts Us To Sleep!

Please excuse the title.  At times I can get a bit emotional, and though I try to filter my emotions before I place them on paper, this could very well be an exception to my rule.  I chose the title to get your attention.  And I hope your attention will be kept as you read.  If I were to condense this post into one sentence, it would be: "Parents, stop being parented by your children."  Or, to state it more kindly, "We, as parents, must not be parented by our kids."

A few articles I read today in the NY Times prompted me to write.  The first one titled "Growing Up Digital, Wired for Distraction" talks about how kids today can barely read a 30-page homework assignment without being distracted by the digital world.  They prefer Facebook, YouTube and texting over reading, writing and arithmetic.  They are tired and distracted in the classroom, while at the same time spending hours upon hours in front of a computer screen, playing games or "socializing" in social networks - sometimes until the early hours of the morning.  Kids today, the teachers complain, cannot write a simple paper, but they can send thousands of text messages in a single month.

What is the proposed solution?  Well, the teachers seem to be split.  The minority (like the Latin teacher) says that the kids need to sort of "come back to reality" and come back to the educational basics (you know, the three R's).  The majority seems to feel differently.  In order to keep the technologically savvy kid's attention, schools need to use technologically savvy methods.

An example the article gives is a teenager named "V".  V, after a year or so in high school, seemed to be doing well; however, after he received his first computer, his grades began to suffer.  You see, V has found a passion for movie editing and film making.  To him, reading short stories and learning Algebra II are a waste of time.  Instead, he needs to be focusing on his career in the film industry.  His Facebook status read one night, "8+ hours of shooting, 8+ hours of editing. All for just a three-minute scene.  Mind=dead."  No wonder he made a D in English.

So what do V's parents do?  The article states, "The $2000 computer V is using is state of the art and only a week old.  It represents a concession by his parents.  They allowed him to buy it, despite their continuing concerns about his technology habits, because the wanted to support his filmmaking dream. "If we put roadblocks in his way, he's just going to get depressed," his mother says.  Besides, she adds, "he's been making an effort to do his homework.""

V did start doing better in school.  What did the school do to bring about the change?  It changed the curriculum in order to facilitate his desires; to meet him "on his own turf."  This philosophy comes from the principal, that the way to reach the students is on their own terms.  He sees his way of educating as a success.  Why?  Because the students are in class and listening. Wow.

The other article by Bob Herbert titled, Hiding From Reality, is about America's sad situation on many fronts - the economy and jobs, the public schools, the budget deficits, and the nonstop warfare oversees.  But here is the quote that got me.  Herbert writes about the educational system, "For all the talk about the need to improve the public schools and get rid of incompetent teachers, school systems around the country are being hammered with dreadful cutbacks and teachers are being let go in droves, not because they are incompetent, but strictly for budget reasons..."

Here we have one article talking about the massive cuts in the school systems over budgeting issues, while the other article sites actions such as this, "Across the country, schools are equipping themselves with computers, Internet access and mobile devices so they can teach on the student's technological territory...[as well as] securing funding (in the millions) for iPads and multimedia centers."

What does all of this mean?  Can we put two and two together?  I understand that the problems run deeper than this; but in this context, one problem is at least this - that our children are making demands that we [and they] simply cannot afford.

Our kids are becoming slaves of technology.  Let's just call it what it is.  And technology is extremely expensive - not only in the monetary world, but in the temporal one as well.  Hundreds of dollars are spent on iPhones as well as hundreds of hours.  Is anyone concerned about this???  I could not help but think about the world in say 20 years - how will people communicate?  Will they communicate?  How will marriages function?  How will parents love their children?  Will they love their children?  How can we love one another rightly when earphones have almost become a regular part of our wardrobe!  How can we experience the fullness of forgiveness when we apologize by way of a text message!?

As parents, we must wake up!  We must lead the way.  I will be the first to confess that I love my phone.  I spent a thousand minutes on my cell phone last month; and I probably sent around 700 text messages.  I will also confess that there is no Biblical principle that addresses this issue head on.  Therefore, most of this is simply my gut feeling, being led, I trust, by a sanctified wisdom and sincere motive.  I would also like to give this disclaimer; because I have no Biblical normative in this area, it is not my intention to bind anyone's conscience to my personal views.  Ridding ourselves and our kids of bad technological use will not save us.  In other words, if you read this and I hear your kid plays video games for 10 hours a day, I will not condemn you for it, though I would express concern.

So here are some suggestions:

First, we must lead our children.  That means we must use technology for the glory of God.  If your child is talking to you, put the phone down; take your eyes off of the computer screen and talk to them.  Drop all technology when your child - or anyone for that matter - is calling for your attention.  This places people over some technological device.  In biblical terms, this is loving your neighbor as yourself.

This also means that we must lead them in how to spend vital resources (i.e., time and money).  I cannot help but think something is wrong when a washed-up quarterback gets paid some $78 Million to play football for five years; and there is talk of a recession.  How is it that when so many are without, almost everyone in this store has, and is using, some type of technological device?  Take a look around...every child has a cell phone - and a good one at that!

I go to an impoverished community every week.  All of those kids are fighting over cell phones and shoes.  They want the iPhone.  They want the Jordans.  Before I get through sharing a gospel message, I usually have to tell them to put up their phones [b/c they are texting] at least three or four times.  A lot of this is learned behavior.  And a lot is allowed behavior.

Second, we must educate our children.  I could not disagree more with that principal (see above).  We have so lowered our educational standards that a child can graduate high school without knowing how to write a single paragraph in good, grammatically correct, English.  I have seen this injustice with my own eyes.

Curriculum must not come down to the child necessarily; but as parents, we must help, love, and lift our children up to the curriculum.   A child hardly knows how he ought to be educated.  Therefore, we must put our phones down and come away from Facebook and the ball game long enough to guide and train the next generation. 

To build a curriculum around V's film-making desires, as a high-schooler (beyond offering a few electives in a related area) is more crippling than helping.  It builds a deserving mentality in the child - that he deserves to be educated in what he wants to do.  But we all know that jobs don't appear simply because we want them.  That's like building a curriculum around basketball because the kid wants to play in the NBA.  This is simply careless.

In another sense, if V wants to pursue film-making, let him drop out of school and pursue it.  And until he reaches that (which may never happen) he can be a server or even a garbage man...and that is just fine.  The most successful people I know (financially speaking) never graduated high school.  Tax payer money should not fund V's film making career.  He should.  That way he will love it more and find more gratification in it.

Third, we must understand why our kids are addicted to technology!  This is where the gospel comes in.  Again, a perfect relationship with technology will not earn righteousness before God.  But being addicted to technology will not fill the void that only God can fill.  We, as parents, must know and understand this.  Many may have missed the comment in the article from a student named Sean who plays video games for four hours after school each day, and twice that on the weekends.

He says, "Video games don't make the hole; they fill it."  The editor cannot believe the comment given the multimillion dollar view where the kid lives.

Did you hear that parent???  Video games don't create the hole; they fill it.  There is a God-shaped hole in every heart; and every heart will reach and consume anything it can to fill it.  Today its video games, cell phones, Internet, and other forms of digital communication.  Our media saturated culture has done a great job convincing this generation that they can fill the void in every life.  Our kids have bought the lie.  Have we?  This creates bondage.  Our kids see no way to a greater satisfaction in Christ.  They cannot come off of the screen long enough to see Him!

That same student, Sean, goes on to say, "Sometimes I wish that my parents would force me to quit playing...because I find it hard to quit when the choice is mine."  Sean is enslaved.  He must be set free.  Only the Son can set this generation free.

Finally, as parents, we must know freedom in Christ so we can lead our children in the same freedom.  We must not buy the lie that electronics and ball games will satisfy us.  We must lead our children through the wilderness to the promised land.  This means we must destroy the bondage of the golden calf (Exodus 32).  We must show them the superior pleasure that is in Christ alone.  He alone is fulfilling.  He alone satisfies.  He alone can captivate us rightly in a way that builds relationships and communication with others, instead of tearing it apart.

Please understand me.  Am I saying throw away the Playstation?  Am I saying get rid of Facebook?  Not necessarily.  Maybe you need to.  Maybe you need to buy one!  I am only saying that we must be awake to the fact that Playstations and Facebook are powerful idols in our day.  How do you know if they are an idol in your life or in the life of your child?  Simply take them away for a time.  Simply ask them to leave it in order to spend time with you.  Watch the response.  If the response if a tantrum, or depression (in V's case) or some other over reaction...its an idol.  Kill it...and replace it with Christ.

Parents, ask your spouse or a good friend if this is a problem that they see in your life.  Parents, talk to your children about the same.  Be open to what they have to say.  If you are not open, it may be an idol.

And remember, this is all for the sake of knowing and enjoying Christ.  Many in our culture are going down this deadly path - and many will need us to pull them out.  May God grant us strength, according to His glorious might for all endurance and patience with joy.  This post is not meant to deprive you and your children of joy; but rather to give joy to you, your children and the generations to come.  May the Lord lavish His mercy upon us all.