How Many Kids Do You Want to Have?!!!

Most who know me well know that I love children. More than that, I love having children (well...my wife actually "has" them, but you know what I mean). When people ask us how many we would like to have, we usually say something like, "As many as we can." or "We will see when we get there." This answer is surprising to most, especially in a culture (and world) where people are having fewer and fewer children.

I have to be careful here, and would like to ad my pastoral side-note. I am strongly opinionated in this area - so much so, that I am reluctant to call it "opinion." I do however, understand that this is a rather subjective area, and that God calls and gives different couples different amounts of children. My almost objective voice on the "many-children" side is small compared to those objective voices on the "few-children" side. So - I speak.

I have written a decent sized paper on this issue. If you would like to read it, you can email me. Just click the "contact" link above. I will give a few of the points in this post. Here ya go:

First, beware of presumption in this area. Many say that they will have or desire to have one or two children. That's okay. My question is, "How do you know how many you want?" Have you ever had children? Have you ever had that many? Now here is the kicker...."How many does the Lord want you to have?" I know. I know. The Bible does not say. But it is definitely not silent (for more information on what the Bible does say - email me).

I would also warn against the presumption that the future is the best time to have children. James speaks of this sort of thing. If the couple is fertile, the question is, "Why?" The Scriptures also advocate having children during the younger days than older (Ps 127:4).

Second, beware of postponing children for financial reasons. I understand that finances are a significant indicator if a couple should or should not have children. BUT, allow me to answer some of the most common financial "excuses." My first question is not, "Can you afford a child; but rather, can you afford NOT to have children?" Many sacrifice greatly to save for retirement. I say, stop that! Invest your money in children. They will care for you much better than a 401K when you are old...trust me.

My next question is, "Have you really counted the cost and done all you can to afford children?" I was convicted long ago by a post that called out so many who were more than willing to pay $300 for a second car, but were wholly unwilling to spend the same on a child.

Most cannot afford to have the same lifestyle AND have children. There will be sacrifice involved. But I must say, that children have not costed us all that much. Between the church and family, one could have diapers for years! and CLOTHES galore! Can you say hand-me-downs??? This is what I love about covenant theology! My children are covenant children. Sure they are my responsibility; but not outside of the context of the church. We all care for each other.

Take a look at this ARTICLE. Children are becoming rare in Japan. Sure they are saving money now; but what about in 20 years? Who will care for the older adults??? Just think of it...if a couple has one child, that means that there is only one now to care for two when they grow old. I think we often neglect the life cycle. Older people need care. Don't buy the lie, that once the kids are grown and "out of the nest" that we are done caring for others. Once the kids are out our parents will be moving in. We must care for them (1Tim 5). Why? B/c the Bible says so:) and to show our children how to care for those who are older than we are. One day we may need the same.

Third, beware of what you want. Is it always about what we want? I must say that the thought of having 6 or 7 kids is a bit scary and stressful. I love having time to myself just like the next guy. But its not all about me. The world needs Christian children! We are to make disciples (both by the creation ordinance [be fruitful and multiply] AND the great commission). There is a culture out there that does not see the Duggars or "Who ever and Kate +8" as phenomenons. That culture is less than safe. The world needs us - and it will need our legacy.

I will add to this section a caution against the desire to be baren. I am trying to be careful here. I looked in vain to find one single reference in Scripture that treated bareness as a blessing or something to be desired. This is no argument from silence.

Please understand that this admonishment is from a heart of love and understanding. Many have not taken the time to think these things through. I understand. I am writing this to inform and encourage.

Finally, beware of attributing fertility and childrearing to ourselves primarily. The Scriptures are clear that God opens and closes the womb. He gives life. Again, if you are fertile, ask "Why?" There are thousands who would love to have children. Fertility is a blessing. It is wonderful. It is something that we ought to immediately seize and cherish and take advantage of. There are plenty of references in the Scriptures that show how God opens and then closes. Fertility should not be presumed. The window may be small. I am not saying go and have kids now! I can't make that decision for you. But I do want to check the arrogance that leads us to believe that children are merely a natural reaction of an egg and sperm coming together after intercourse. Sure that is the means, but WHO is the ultimate cause? Who does the forming?

I am only trying to reverse paradigms of thinking. A full quiver of arrows is considered a blessing. Why then are we so surprised when we see a family with a full quiver? It's not a phenomenon, but an act of God's sovereign mercy.

I have said a lot. And I have also left a lot unsaid. Notice that I have not said how many children I think Christians should have. That is not my goal. I am only trying to confront a culture that sees children as more of a curse than a blessing; more of a hinderance than a source of great happiness; and more of a burden than benefit. Where are we getting our standards from in this area? That is a serious question worthy of much prayer and consideration. I hope you leave this page challenged, encouraged, edified, and hopeful.

And yes, I am scared out of my mind to have a ton of kids. But God is faithful. They are only a blessing. His grace is sufficient for us (one kid or twenty)! And lets be honest, the process of having kids is pretty fun too:) (did I just say that??!!!)