From Epidural to Eternity: The Pain in Birthing and Raising Our Children

I am not sure that epidurals have put an end to the pain that women experience in childbearing (Gen 3:16). While modern medicine has made many attempts to subvert the hopeful plan of God after the fall, I am noticing that the efforts have fallen miserably short. Labor may not be as painful as it was in the past, but bearing and raising children is as painful as ever. The discomfort that begins with contractions soon turns to travail, and then continues until the mother returns to the dust. 

Immediately after delivery, the mother and father celebrate their lovely child who is ironically covered in the mother's blood. Once the baby comes out, relentless efforts are made to wipe off the evidence that this child just passed through the "waters" of his or her parent's lineage - the evidence that this child has been "baptized" into Adam; that he or she has been brought forth in iniquity.

In the same room during those first minutes, one hears the juxtaposition of two very different experiences. While the parents laugh and weep with joy, gratitude, and excitement, the child screams and cries while it experiences the chill and discomfort of entering this new world. 

From that day forward, the parenting experience will always be marked by joy and sorrow, comfort and pain, laughter and tears, life and death.

The conversations in my home alone are a witness to this. We commonly smile and find great joy when our children do something cute, say something funny, or exude godly character. But there are plenty of conversations filled with feelings of concern, guilt, and desperation. 

It is so painful to witness a child withdraw in fear after experiencing unjust anger. It is so painful to watch our children struggle with what seems to be generational anxiety. And nothing has pierced our hearts deeper and more painfully than when one of our children lies to protect themselves from the repercussions of their own sinful actions. 

I am confident that the pain Eve felt when she delivered Cain paled in comparison to the pain she felt when Cain murdered her other son, his brother. And so it is with us as we watch sin trickle down the generational line. Consequently, we are always parenting with this pain in view - making plans, setting up systems, laying down laws, and enforcing restrictions - all to ensure they are protected from fallenness, and to ensure we are better protected from the pain of watching them suffer through the futility of this world. 

But we must not allow the painful darkness to eclipse the redemptive light. Though it is painful to watch the effects of sin in the lives of our children, we must not forget the gospel. The blood that marked them at conception placed them in the very category that Jesus came to save. I hate that my children are sinful and that they have a father and mother who are sinful as well. But I find hope in that Jesus came to save and dwell among sinful people. And he is relentlessly strong to bring forth light from darkness, joy from pain, and dancing where there was once nothing but sorrow. 

We should all remember that the pain of Gen 3:16 was given by God in light of the promise of Gen 3:15. We should always see the tragedy of sin in our homes as a strange opportunity for repentance and faith in our amazing Savior. And we should be ever ready to direct our children to the very place we find refuge, strength, safety and salvation - Jesus Christ, the Savior of the World. And we should always communicate our unique hope, that even though we have been brought forth in iniquity, we will one day be reborn in glory.  

Good God Who Does Strange Things

I haven't written in a while. My apologies, but I needed the break. There has been a lot of changing going on in my life, I trust, for good, and for his glory. Significant things are being ordered, and this blog is not on the top of my list [anymore]. But I do have some time this morning. And I have been encouraged by the Lord. So, here you go.

I have always noticed the strange way in which the Lord led the people to defeat Jericho. Walking around a city for seven days seems strange in and of itself. However, I never noticed how the seventh day was especially strange (Joshua 6).

The previous six days they only marched around the city once. But the seventh day, the day when the city would be devoted to destruction, they had to march seven times.

It is not uncommon for the Lord to make his people weak and tired at the precise moment they are to be strong - like for going to war. I can only imagine what the people were thinking the night before: "Okay, tomorrow we are going to war to see Jericho destroyed. We must get good sleep and rest. We will need to be strong, fast, and enduring."

Then, they wake at dawn the seventh day only to receive the strange command, "Walk around the city, not once, but seven times!" What?! As if circumcision wasn't enough to set them back (ch.5), now, the strength they would need to defeat the enemy would be wasted on walking! When the fight began they would be tired, slow, and spent.

I don't know why I have always thought my life to be different. During this time, when it would seem I needed to be stronger than ever, I feel weaker than ever. Why, when I need to be structured and sharp do I feel so chaotic and dull? The truth is I have never in my life felt weaker and more inadequate for the task of planting a church than I do now.

But apparently, this is right where the Lord wants me. Weak that he may be glorified as strong.

Out On A Limb

As fallen people, we tend to live a large portion of our lives "out on a limb." We hang there, clinging to the only thing that keeps us from falling into the abyss we fear most - death. It's the limb of our desired identities. It is the person we must be in order to stay alive, and not die, in this fallen world.

And so we hold on so tightly, straining to be what we desperately believe we must be; defending and climbing away from any indictment or circumstance that makes us what we must not be.

The limb looks like a sentence. 

"I must be ________ in order not to die."  OR  "If I am ________ I will die."

Most men fill in the blanks this way: I must be strong, dependable, trustworthy, handsome, a leader in my home, church, or job, as well as a provider for my family. I must not be weak, puny, perverted, ugly, small, or insufficient. If I am not the former, or, if I am the latter, I will die. People will laugh at me, detest me, cast me into the dungeon of social shame, and reject me forever. 

Most women (I tend to think) fill them in this way: I must be beautiful, desirable, and sexy. I need to be a good, loving, and caring mother, wife, and friend. I must be a good home-maker and parent, keeping things in order. My children must behave well. I must not be ugly, gross, or lazy. I must have things in control in my relationships, home, and family. If I am not the former, and if I am the latter, I will die. My social life will spiral out of control, people will think bad thoughts about me, and I will be rejected forever. 

Navigating the limb is tough. It is exhausting, constantly strategic, and filled with anxiety, fear, and unrest. One wrong move, slip of concentration, or even a small nap and down we go. Unbearable shame, scorn, chaos, rejection, and ridicule are soon to follow. 

Therefore, other people are dangerous. If they were to reveal one of our inadequacies, that'd be like pealing a finger away from the limb. If they find us out, we'd surely fall. They may even be so clumsy as to cast their burdens upon us. We'd become heavier. Our limb would flex. Our grip would surely fail. So we become angry, anxious, and judgmental. By becoming safer from others, we become unsafe to others. 

Not only is this life dangerous, it is completely unnecessary. 

Because we are so focused on ourselves (the person we must or must not be) we fail to realize the safe foundation just below our feet. His name is Christ Jesus the Lord. When we let go of the limb, when we "lose our lives", we can live in the safe pasture of our Good Shepherd. There we can run because we are ransomed. We can hear criticism because he has been crucified (Gal 2:20). 

Letting go means coming to terms with, and confessing the truth about, ourselves. When indictments about our looks, character, and/or abilities come, we can resist the temptation to cling to the limb of our own over-desired identities. By the power of the Spirit, we can humbly consider the possibility of truth in their words. 

Most of the time people are right about us, regardless of their motives or reasons for confronting us. If they call us a jerk, we can say, "You know what, you're right. I am a jerk. I'm sorry." "If they say we are irresponsible or inadequate, we can say, "You are right, I am those things. Can you help me?"

What if they are wrong about us? This just means they aren't seeing us clearly. They need help - Gospel help. Rather then worrying about ourselves and our identity, we are free to love even those who [wrongly] accuse us.

This is letting go of the limb. 

The Good News of the Gospel is that "letting go" is completely safe if our foundation is Christ. Because he died, we won't die. He is just below our feet. It makes no sense holding on. We must daily fall upon the One who is perfect in character and ability, who is completely sufficient, responsible, and good. He is sufficient for us. As we rest in him, his identity is freely ours by God's wonderful grace. 

Why We Need the 'Hood

In my latest article for the Reformed African American Network (RAAN), I talk about some of the main reasons why we need the 'hood. Here is a blurb:

We are also there because we need what the ‘hood has to offer. There are jewels, if you will, in marginalized communities that are missing from the Church’s crown. Without these jewels, the Church sparkles less.

You can read the rest of the article here. I hope it blesses you...

The Strangest Thing Happened Today

I think it is important to know that the Lord is always near us, with us, and even in us. He is always present, in a deep and significant way; even when we do absolutely nothing to draw near to him; even when we actively run away.

We are the children of a strange God who doesn't count our sins against us. He doesn't wait for us to draw near to him in order to draw near to us. He isn't hindered by our irresponsibility, nor is he resisted by our seemingly random situations.

Typically, I begin my day in the Word. Sitting in a quiet place under the Scriptures helps me to approach my crazy days. It is primarily during these times that I gain a sense of direction, become satisfied in God, and find motivation to love others.

Today was atypical. I forewent the Scriptures and began work around the house. The strangest thing happened. As I was washing dishes at the sink, before I thought of the Lord or meditated on his Word, I felt an overwhelming sense of his presence. I felt his love for me.

It was profound and preceded any action of my own towards God. He came to me. Without invitation, he entered my heart's door. He invaded my space. He loved me.

This may be a foundational truth of Christianity - that the Lord reaches us before we reach for him. But I often forget the practical aspects of this truth for my life. It was refreshing and praise-inspiring to know that he is faithful and pleasantly-impatient. Yes, he is patient in that he doesn't immediately punish, but he is impatient in that he doesn't wait on our actions to actively love us.

Today, it was so good to know that my Father in heaven loves me. It was good to feel his mercy and care. And it was humbling to since his pursuit of me, especially when I did not pursue him first.

Moralizing is a Dirty Word

Here is a great quote from Plantinga's Not the Way It's Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin:

Nowadays, "moralizing" is a dirty word in public education, and the consensus on what constitutes good and evil has contracted: for a regnant educational elite, moral tolerance is now the only good, and moral intolerance the only evil. In the kingdom of the elite, classroom wars between good and evil think down to angry border skirmishes between the politically correct and the politically challenged.  The politically challenged are, of course, those doofuses who still use short words whe they talk - words like good, bad, right, and wrong. The politically correct, on the other hand, prefer more leisurely and ironic expressions. To be sure, the politically correct (e.g., those who describe the lazy person as "motivationally dispossessed" and prostitutes as "sex care providers") are still willing to make moral judgments - but only of those who make moral judgments. They say things like this: "It is always wrong to make moral judgments."

Some Dangers of Personal Bible Study

Spending time each day in and under God's Word is extremely important. I am an advocate for developing the habit of regular, personal bible study and prayer. It directs us as we begin our day, it fills us to love others, and it helps us to focus our lives upon bringing glory to God in all things.

There are, however, some dangers I have seen and experienced when we, as a culture, overemphasize personal bible study. Yes, I think we can idolize bible study, making it into something it was never meant to be. Humans are very good at twisting good things in order to bring ourselves glory.

Here are a few dangers I believe we should be aware of as we seek to develop this very important practice:

First, personal Bible study will not make us righteous. I have heard, seen, and even felt it a hundred times. We base our righteousness on our relationship with our Bible. Bible study will not make us righteous, nor will our failure to study it condemn us. If something comes up (like a child waking, a friend calling, or a person knocking) that makes personal study impossible, it's okay. The Lord loves you and is with you in Christ. Remember, the Scriptures lead us to the One who makes us righteous. His grace, not our study of it, is all we need to make us righteous in Christ.

Second, personal Bible study should not cause us to undermine or neglect other ways to know and understand the Word of God. It can be and has been argued that public worship is to be preferred before private. The good news coming out of the heart and mouth of a good friend and/or preacher, felt by their relational embrace, is a significant and sufficient way to know the Scriptures. People who are thoughtful and intentional on sharing the truth in love have a way of speaking the oracles of God (1Pet 4:11) in ways that are both memorable and meaningful. If we are diligent in personal study, but less-so in public worship, we should be alarmed.

Third, we should not burden the consciences of others to spend time in personal Bible study every day. While we should certainly recommend it for the good of ourselves and others, I struggle to see the mandate (as it is commonly practiced in our day) in Scripture. Not all people are able to spend time in Bible study for long periods of time on a regular basis. I am thinking of fathers who have to work two (or three) jobs to make ends meet. I am thinking of mothers who have the constant burden to care for the home, often without much sleep.

It is a gracious blessing when we are afforded the time and desire to spend time studying the Bible. We have to understand that the Lord blesses us that we may bless others (Gen 12:3). We have to realize that we ourselves may be the means by which people around us know and understand the Word of God. Learning God's Word should always launch us into loving people with God's Word.

Fourth, individual Bible study should not cause us to neglect the riches of communal study. We are not infallible and are often limited within the confines of our own intellect. Joining with others to study, discuss, contemplate, and pray through Scripture is so rich and fulfilling that it can hardly be compared to any other practice in the Christian life. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you may have an unhealthy relationship with your Bible.

Fifth, personal Bible study should not make us unteachable. This falls right in line with the previous point. We should be so secure in Christ that we are willing to hear about our own failures and inadequacies. We should be willing to hear from others the treasures we left untouched. And when someone tells us something about a particular passage, we should refrain from the insecure and often prideful comment, "Yeah, I knew that..." We don't have to say something back. We can just thankfully receive the Word without adding our own commentary.

Sixth, personal Bible study is not the chief goal we look for in the lives of those we disciple. Just because a person studies the Bible, and knows it really well, doesn't mean that person is a Christian. More than the fruit of study, we are looking for the fruit of the Spirit. More than truth, we are looking for the truth shared in love. More than a head informed, we are looking for a heart inflamed. We are looking for more than what a person can accomplish by their own study. We are looking for a work of God.

Finally,  personal Bible study is not a full representation of the Christian life. I wish following Christ was always like my times of personal Bible study - quiet room, coffee, comfortable chair, and content that reminds me of a Father's love for me. Knowing the Father's love, however, is the substance we need when we launch into a world where people don't love us.

The Christian life is not a quiet, convenient ivory tower. It is a war - a battle ground where we are constantly fighting for our lives and the lives of others. Wounded people need us to carry them out of enemy territory. The enemy hates us and is relentless in his pursuit to have us undone, defamed, and disqualified. The Christian should not expect a life of quiet times, but one where the megaphone of sin, fallenness, and struggling constantly reminds us we are sojourners in this land.

Again, I am not saying that personal Bible study is a bad thing. It is a very good thing. But only when we keep it in its place to remind, inform, and encourage us, in the midst of our chaotic world, of the peaceful, quiet, and calm rest of Christ our Redeemer.