The Most Significant Thing About A Christian Home is Not That It is Clean

There are families that I look up to. The way they manage their home, and their children is admirable and worthy of exemplifying. Things just work for them. The wife is able to do everything she needs to do and the husband does the same. The house is always tidy, vacuumed and dusted. It is quiet, peaceful and...Christian.

At least this is what the homes look like while we are there. Most of us get our lives and homes together before company arrives only to let everything "fall back into place" after they leave. Therefore, setting our expectations this high is nothing short of unreasonable and even burdensome.

I am coming to find that the last word that should be used to describe a Christian and his/her home is "tidy." Not that tidy is bad, but it should be preceded by a number of other, more significant, adjectives.

Most of us live in homes that fall well short of biblical norms and cultural expectations. And many of us try so hard striving to reach those norms and expectations that we live with the constant cloud of condemnation over our heads. I know I can fall into the trap of trying to get my home to look like what I'd like my life to look like - clean, controlled, sinless, without chaos, and perfect.

During these times a few comments by Jay Adams in his book Christian Living in the Home, are particularly helpful. He writes, "The first and most important fact to remember about a truly Christian home is that sinners live there. The notion that the Christian home is a perfect or near perfect place is decidedly not biblical...A truly Christian home is a place where sinners live; but it is also a place where the members of that home admit the fact and understand the problem, know what to do about it, and as a result grow by grace."

This helps me cope with the imperfections that I see in my home. This also helps me to notice my family when I come home from work, rather than immediately notice what may need to be picked up. The standard for my home, in one very significant sense, has been met in Christ. In him we can rest. In him we are clean, peaceful, and Christian.

Yes, if you come to my home, chances are you will see some sin. But we must be thankful that, unlike all others, Christ doesn't shy away from sin. In the midst of the Christian home is Christ, who saves the sinners who live there.

How I Personally Fight Against Porn in My Own Life

While the article referenced in yesterday's post was excellent in describing the slavish effects associated with pornography, it was void of any tangible ways a person may win their war against it. That doesn't make the article less powerful. Its purpose was to be more descriptive than prescriptive. And that's why I am writing this post - to be more prescriptive than descriptive.

I fight the war often. It is something I despise about this fallen world. There is a battle around every corner; an unknown, imposed image under every rock, that threatens to introduce, yet again, something my heart should desire more than God. Pornographic images have the ability to lead us into the abyss of passionate irrationality. We know it doesn't make sense, but we love it anyway. We all know it will bring guilt and pain, yet we watch anyway. When we feel the wave of temptation, our hearts begin a ravaging quest for the justification of immorality.

I know the battle too well. I know what it's like to lose it. I know what it's like to watch my wife weep after she hears I have looked upon another woman lustfully. But, I also know what it's like to win it. Beyond all of my previous expectations, I know what it's like to live without fear of being condemned with shame and guilt tomorrow. I never thought I would see a day when I would feel freedom. 

I also know, however, that this dragon does not completely die (yet). There is something to the AA line - once an addict, always an addict. It is not uncommon for me to speak of victory only to have the war waged all over again soon after.  

Here are some ways that I continue to fight my war against pornography:  

I take every precaution I can to keep "triggers" out of my life. I have removed the Safari, Google, and other internet browsing apps from my phone. I simply cannot access them. I have found that if I do not have access, I am less tempted. 

I have the "delete apps" option disabled in my restriction settings (which are passcode protected). That way if I decide in a moment of weakness to download a browsing app, I won't be able to delete it. My accountability partners know to check my phone often. If they find this type of app, they smell blood and quickly go in for the kill. 

Covenant Eyes has a browsing app that is pretty good. I really miss Safari on my phone, but CE is sufficient.

I don't watch television very much at all. Anything I cannot control, I steer away from. Netflix is a good option. I simply got sick of being bombarded with half-naked women on regular television. 

I typically don't go to the beach or swimming pools either. This is a real inconvenience for my family, but it is a sacrifice that my wife is willing to make. I will usually go to these places when I know they are "under control." I will go to private pools and beaches early on week days. I simply cannot go to a place where it is completely acceptable for women to wear underwear. This is no judgment at all - it is just the reality of my situation. I wish it wasn't so.

I avoid being alone during vulnerable times. This is less of a problem for me now that I am married with four kids. But should my family go out of town, I stay at a friend's house or Starbucks until I am ready for bed. Even then I am in communication with my wife over the phone. When I go home, I go to bed. 

Being tired, bored, and/or lonely is a breading ground for pornographic temptation.

I look down a lot. Too much of what women wear these days is completely immodest. So, I fight to bounce my eyes. When I see immodesty I simply drag my eyes the other way. A woman's flesh is a magnet for a man's eyes. Women should know that low and tight clothing attracts visual attention. If I see it, I will immediately look away. Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes its not.

Removing triggers really does help. But it doesn't solve the issue completely. 

I have personal accountability in my life who love me enough to dig around. My wife and three other men make up my accountability team. If I struggle, I tell them. They all get my Covenant Eyes report on a regular basis and are faithful to call should something look fishy. By the way, if you are someone's accountability partner, always call if you see something fishy. If I feel as if my reports are not scrubbed, I am more tempted to go to sites.

If I should fall, they are there to address my fallenness redemptively and in a Christ-centered way. They love me enough to be hurt by my actions. And they love Christ enough to talk to me about him while they are hurting. 

These tangible experiences have been, by far, the most redemptive in my life. They are tangible representations of grace, forgiveness, justification and the cross. They hurt, but they heal. The Holy Spirit is necessary for both as one struggles to confess while the other struggles to forgive. Grace is sufficient.

I regularly receive counseling. This helps me know my own heart. I have people in my life who search me out, who ask tough questions, and who are skilled to handle the mess of my life. Find these people and commune with them often. 

I wish I could say that Scripture memory has helped, but it hasn't all that much. This is something that I am working on. The Scriptures are sufficient for this though, just not in that way (right now). They have been sufficient to lead me to Christ. Understanding his Lordship in my life has broken the chains that previously bound me. 

Entrusting myself to his control has been the most helpful. Pornography was my way to gain control of my life. When things get chaotic, it get tempted. But now, when I am tempted, I meditate and reflect on Christ's Lordship - his control, his presence and his authority. I also reflect on his sacrifice on my behalf that makes it judicially possible for the Father to smile upon this mess of a man. When I ponder his smile, I am less tempted to sin.

I hope this post has been helpful for you. The battle must be won through faith and repentance on a daily basis. The battle must be fought in community and not alone. It is not a matter of going from sinful to sinless - from lustful to "lustless." He does wash us, but we cannot simply stop our hearts from going after other gods. We must cling to him daily. Sanctification is a process. The Lord is faithful to slay this dragon through many episodes of wounding and healing. There is hope. There is freedom.

Here are some other posts that may help:

How Women Can Help in the Battle Against Porn 

How a Woman Set Me Free from Porn

Putting Porn to Death (A 3-Part Series I wrote for Holy Culture)

Poem Written by a Wife Devastated by Her Husband's Porn Use

The Gospel and Porn

One of the Best Articles on Pornography I Have Read

This article by Lauren Dubinsky of the Huffington Post is one of the best articles I have read on pornography. When you take the time to consider the weight of what she is actually doing -- openly and honestly speaking about her addiction to pornography and its effects in her life -- you cannot help but appreciate her sacrifice, courage and transparency.

The parts of the article that I found most profound were:

"Pornography was easy, and I never exactly knew why it was bad, particularly since I wasn't actually having sex. To me, it was just something dirty that you probably shouldn't have anything to do with. But "probably shouldn't" never stands up against loneliness and boredom."

"Even while I wasn't "addicted" to watching pornography, I always wanted more. It existed as a guaranteed time-filler and pleasure-bringer, and when you get an hour to yourself, that's an easy default. An easy default activity that establishes a heavy precedence in what you do with your next bad night."

"I wish someone would have told me that the kind of pornography you're most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life, further injuring your brokenness."

"I wish someone had talked about how women watch it too, so I wouldn't have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being "the only one" and thinking there was something wrong with me."

The heart behind this article is far more important than its actual words. We all have heard or read similar things before. The rarity is found in the writer. And as more and more people begin addressing the issue with honesty and transparency in a gospel-centered way, I believe we will see more and more victories of faith, hope and love.

You can read the entire article here.

Christ in the Old Testament

I am preaching a series this summer on Christ in the Old Testament. This is a seven-part series in which I am preaching Christ from the different Old Testament genres - Law, History, Poets, Wisdom Literature, and Prophets.

The purpose of the series is to show how the Lord has been faithful to accomplish his redemptive purposes for his people, through Christ, throughout human history.

You can access the sermons here on Grace Community Church's website.

Why Boys Want to Be Heroes and Men Want to Watch Heroes

In the beginning, after the fall, there began the war between the two lines - the seed of the serpent and the seed of the woman. The serpent desires his own name glorified, and he is willing to stop at nothing to have his purpose fulfilled. The seed of the woman calls upon the name of the Lord and humbly acts as an agent to bring God's ultimate purposes about on earth. The climax of almost every story in history is experienced when the seed of the serpent seems to win the day. The threat of evil ultimately triumphing brings each and every one of us anxiously to the edge of our seat. We long for good to prevail.

Many authors and screen writers pick up on this and build their plot around it. From Jerry and Tom, James J. Braddock and Corn Griffin (from Cinderella Man), He-Man and Skelator (I just went way back!), to Batman and the Joker; billions are spent depicting the murderous intent (a.k.a. enmity; cf. Gen 3:15) between the two sides, in order that we might see and experience, on a screen or in a book, the war that really lies within our own hearts. We so deeply desire the victory in our own lives that we will spend time and resources to see it in someone else's (fiction or non).

This is also why almost every young boy wants to be a policeman. This is why my son loves super heroes. They always win the day over evil. They are strong, saving, and heroic. They give assurance to us that good will win.

Somewhere along the temporal line, however, boys cease desiring to be the good guy and resort to watching the good guy. Somewhere in our lives we sink from wanting to fight against evil to purchasing movies about another fighting against evil. In our youth we want to be good, but in our adulthood we are just fine watching someone else be good. Why is this?

After considering it for a few days, I have a few thoughts concerning the matter.

One reason is that boys are not weighed down with worldly worries and responsibilities. They are so sure of their provision that they can focus on providing for others. They are so comforted in their father's protection, they can focus on protecting others. With all their needs taken care of, they can focus on taking care of the needs of others.

Another reason is that too many boys are going unprotected and uncorrected. The image of God in all of us desires good to win. But being born into sin that image is marred. If left without godly nurture and admonition, sin degrades from bad to worse. A boy who once loved He-Man soon sides with Skelator. He takes down his posters of Batman and replaces them with posters of the Joker. His deep desire for good, is debased into a deep love for evil. A boy who once amused us, becomes a man who lives to abuse us. He's not funny anymore - except maybe to himself.

A lot of it begins in the home. When fathers distrust the provision of their heavenly father, they simply don't have time to be the hero. Too worried about saving their own lives, they lose them. And a lost life always drags others down with it. A father obsessed with his own ultimate needs, denies the protection and provision of the Lord who has repeatedly shown himself sufficient for the task. Too many fathers today are too stressed to see the sparrow.

Consequently, too many fathers are teaching their sons to be obsessed with self - their own desires, wants, dreams, and even morals. Others are nothing more than expendable hindrances who get in our way as we make a name for ourselves.

In these cases the serpent has done his job. He began at an early age. He sunk his fangs in ever so slowly. But his time is short. His fatal wound, prophesied long ago (Gen3:15) and secured at Calvary, is now on the redemptive horizon. Our good Hero will come with a shout, and his white robes will be dipped in the blood of his enemies as he treads them in the winepress of God's wrath (Rev19:13). This is the true story of Christ. This is the great story of our good Lord.

My Initial Thoughts Concerning the Colorado Massacre

I read articles Saturday concerning the Colorado Massacre. I looked at the pictures of family members who were ripped apart by one man's actions. Then I looked at the portrait of that man, the smirk on his face, particular facial features, and I recognized a strange feeling in my stomach. Well, no, it was deeper than my stomach. In the english language we use phrases like, "in the depth of my being." Something changed there as my inner condition went from ok to not-ok.

The point of this post is not ethical, but metaphysical. I am simply desiring to put my emotions down as they are (metaphysical), without really addressing whether they are wrong or right (ethical). As an image bearer, I cannot help but feel something; and, as a pastor, I cannot help but express what I am feeling.

At first I felt (and still feel) an intense hatred and anger. The intensity only grew as I looked at the agony of family members along side the smirk of the murderer. My heart immediately cried out for vindication. I found some comfort in the promises of God to vindicate all wrong doing. But there was something inside of me that wanted more. I wanted to see it. I wanted him to suffer here and suffer soon. And I began to think of ways that he may feel pain for what he did - like when he gets to prison and is subject to the general population who will pummel him. My heart imagined the scenario and lingered there to find peace. The peace never came.

Then, my father side came to the front of my mind. What if one of my children were in the theater. What if I was that father in the picture. I quickly began thinking of ways to fully protect my family. As I considered the impossibility of the task, I sunk into despair. And then I remembered the Lord's faithfulness, his protection, and his home that he is building for us in glory. Should my children die in an incident like this, I would have nothing but Christ to cling to - my Judge, my King, my Sovereign. I cannot even imagine the pain, the hopelessness, and the suffering. Not only are lives gone, but the lives that remain are changed forever. They will ever be marked in this life by this incident.

In my comforted times, I desire a long life. But in times like this, I find a certain refuge in that this life is but a breath.

My emotions were soon brought into check by my theological commitments. Was what I was feeling right? Should I hate this man? Should I be angry? I felt like it was more right to want him damned to hell than saved unto glory. I felt like I was completely disregarding the suffering of the victim's loved ones by even considering the fact that this individual was "savable." I know that hatred in my heart is the equivalent to murder; but this is different. People are dead. Funerals are being planned. Yes, all sin is heinous before God; but not all sins are equally so (WSC 83).

This man's actions were not only murderous towards people, but they were murderous towards God. To murder an image bearer is to desire the Image gone - this man wanted God dead. And I found some comfort in that the Lord hates the wicked and the one who loves violence (Psa. 11:5); and, that he will destroy all who attempt to suppress him with murderous intent. I find comfort in that the Lord's feelings toward this event are more true, intense, faithful, just and right than mine will ever be. He is completely free to treat him with the upmost severity as well as look upon him in the most miraculous mercy.

My heart goes out to the families of all who are involved. My prayers are with them as well. As we are all reminded of the depth of man's fall, I pray also we would throw ourselves upon the Lord's throne of mercy and grace during this time of great need.

The Lord of Patience - Enjoy

This is the song that my alarm clock plays every morning. It never gets old. He is truly the Lord of patience.

My Most Recommended Book of the Year (So Far)

In my mind, I categorize books by shapes and colors. Systematic theologies are square, black and white books. They are ridged and inflexible. Practical or pastoral books are round and green. They are fluid and add more immediate growth. Fictional books are many shapes and sizes; their colors are similarly just as changing. 

But there are also books that are in a category of their own - fictional or non. These books, while they may be strictly categorized by genre, make up their own genre. These books are razor sharp and are crimson in color. They are gospel-centered and change us every time we turn a page. They are fearless, with little regard for the superficial desires of their audience. And they are by nature ultimately rooted in the service of their Savior King. 

There is one book I have read this year that fits into this category. It is Love Walked Among Us by Paul Miller. I highly recommend this book; and am just a few steps away from pastorally burdening your conscience with guilt and shame should you not read it within the next month! (Note: that's a joke)

My Water Fountain: A Word Concerning Segregation

How does a people group get over this? Do laws wipe away the pain, degradation and imposed inferiority away? Does time heal the wounds? Are parents and grandparents who had to drink from different fountains, who had to use different bathrooms, who were pointed to the back of the bus, and who were, in every sphere of social culture, reminded of their inferiority, able to suppress the natural reflexes of oppression so that their children don't see - so that their children aren't affected?

There are people we see every day who were taught from an early age that they are less than human. The above is just one example of a globe filled, from all ages, with image bearers who live and have lived to suppress that image in others. This type of degradation is not typical for must of us. Therefore, we are very sensitive to any hint of it in our own lives. But imagine if it was the norm - the acceptable way of life.

This post is an encouragement and admonition for us to recognize that people are more than mere actions. Our good works and our bad ones are so much more than superficial movements of the body. If we look at others with this mindset we reduce them to matter in time and space. And when we allow what people do to eclipse who people are we neglect their significance, dignity and intrinsic worth as brothers and sisters created in the image of God.

When I drive through the neighborhood I love so much and see a young man who is unemployed, with a criminal record, and who apparently has no belt, I must resist with all of my might the desire to make him less-than-me. I must resist my deep desire to see only his apparent irresponsibility. I must fight to see his history, family, culture and his heart. He was created like me. He was born into this world a sinner like me. He may do really stupid things...like me. And he really needs a Savior, like me.

I must damn segregation to hell where it belongs. And, I must die to myself and invite him to the Water Fountain who has so graciously quenched my thirst (John 4).

There is No "Normal Life."

I am a man in my thirties. For some reason, I believe all men, after reaching this season of life begin to love tools. We are fixers, and we are always ready to make something unbroken. My children often praise me as the one who can fix anything from Spiderman's leg to Barbie's arm. The irony here is that I have a honey-do list hovering over my head right now. I have a ton of things to fix in my house. I cannot wait for the day when I have made all the repairs so that I can be done.

Unfortunately, I think many of us have this mentality when it comes to people. Whether a pastor, care giver, parent or friend, we want people in our lives repaired so that we can be done. Damaged people have a tendency to be very dependent. They call a lot. They need a lot. They force us to consider them when making our own plans. They even demand that we give up our own resources, agendas, and schedules. The faster they are fixed, they faster we can get back to our "normal life."

The only problem with this is that people don't get fixed. As soon as a wound (whether spiritual or physical) is closed, another one opens. How many times have I seen deliverance in one area only to be shown a much deeper and dangerous one! As a people, we are always bleeding. We are always dependent upon the resources of another. We are always progressing from the "least of the apostles" to the "chief of sinners." There are no independent, unbroken people.

And there certainly is no "normal life."

The Lord's command to love others demands that other (broken) people have some say in all that we do. Consequently, this life is plagued with the blessings of inconvenience, sacrifice, and servanthood. The Lord has constructed the relational universe around the paradigm of dying to one's self. Sure, we may choose to seclude ourselves in the coffin of selfishness (a hint of a Lewis quote I once read); but this only leads to more brokenness, which in turn leads to more dependency. It's just a matter of time before someone has to feed us and take us to the bathroom.

A wise man in our church told me once that its all about managing people's expectations. I believe he is right. And I also believe that the Lord does this well - we just don't like to be managed. Many times, before expectations can be managed, certain expectations must be destroyed. The commandment to love does just that. We don't repair ourselves and others to be done. We desire redemption through love in ourselves and others that we may one day be glorified. Glory is the "normal life." We just can have it yet. In the mean time, allow the broken places to remind us that we are not our own; that this is not our home; and that this is life is [thankfully] but a breath.

Does the Lord Control All Things? And, Does It Really Matter?

God's works of providence are his most holy, wise and powerful preserving and governing all his creatures, and all their actions (WSC 11). To put it simply, the Lord controls all things. The seasons, the seas, and even our circumstances are all under the willful decision of our Maker. This wonderful truth should bring us to feel the effects of his majesty as well as our own finitude.

The wording of the shorter catechism, along with the immediate complexities that arise from the doctrine itself, have a tendency to make us lock this truth tightly inside the box of impracticality. Unlocking the box, we think, demands we fully comprehend things like the relationship between his control and the freedom of his creatures (freedom defined biblically), the problem of suffering, and other perplexing ideas. Most of us don't have the time or capacity for this and so we shelf the subject altogether.

In some respects, our own desire to be God, keeps us from worshipping and trusting God. Unless we are all knowing, we cannot possibly be all trusting. But the Lord has not left us completely in the dark. His word is full of searchable depths for us to explore. I do believe it is important for us to know that even if we have not explored those depths, we can still benefit from the doctrine.

In this post, I'd like to point out two practical ways the doctrine of providence is beneficial for us.

First, the Lord's control over all things encourages us to obey his commandments. It is vital for us to know that he can and will provide for us as we "step out in faith." Contrary to popular belief, being a follower of Christ often takes us into places where we are immediately tempted to distrust his power and provision. I am thinking of the Exodus when Israel was led into the wilderness, and the gospel accounts of when Jesus fed thousands. In each account, people followed the Lord and found themselves lacking simple physical provisions.

Similarly, and perhaps more significantly, a follower of Christ will certainly face relational deprivation as well. He or she will be hated for the sake of the gospel. He or she will be confronted with the willful surrendering of property, time, and energy. To live for Christ is to die to self - to lose one's life.

But living for Christ is not only this. The promises run through deprivation into glory where believers will be heavily rewarded for their labors with the inheritance (1Pet 1:4), treasures in heaven (Matt 6:20), and a crown of glory (1Pet 5:4). We have many reasons to obey. But, doubtful questions always linger and eventually may dissuade us. Questions like, "Will the Lord make good on his promise?" "Is he able to come through?" "If I lose everything now, can he give me everything then?" Our doctrine of providence (along with many others, like his faithfulness) tell us, "Yes he can (and will)!"

Second, the Lord's control over all things humbles us as we live in and through this difficult world. We are not our own, and we are not ultimately in control - not even of our own lives. When we find ourselves in the midst of trials and tribulations, our immediate tendency is to blame the situation. Our boss is mean, our teacher is unfair or unclear, our spouse is unloving or disrespectful, our church is not the right church for us, and the list goes on and on.  The problem, we conclude, is our circumstance.

The doctrine of providence informs us that this is not likely to be the case. The problem of our life is not our circumstance, but our sin. The wilderness was not the problem, but the grumbling desires of the people. The Lord used circumstances to shape and test his people. In his providence he used hunger to bring about humility; and thirst to bring about dependency and trust (Deut 8:1-3).

The doctrine of providence is highly practical, even for those who have not read volumes on the subject. It is a doctrine for the simplest of Christians. It is truth for the Lord's church that brings about repentance, faith, hope, and love.

To Do Lists and Christ's Second Greatest Commandment

Contrary to popular opinion, the second greatest commandment is sufficient (in the context of the first greatest commandment) to guide us through the Christian life. Too often, its generality is mistaken for impracticality. We don't believe Christ to be precise enough.  He doesn't tell us where to go, who to approach, what to say or give to them, and so on. As a pastor, I get the plaguing question many times in a given month - "What am I supposed to do with my life?" When I answer, "Love your neighbor as yourself," I get odd looks. The answer just isn't precise or practical enough.

The second greatest commandment is not as precise as we would like for at least two (related) reasons.

First, the commandment keeps us from being lord of our own lives. It lovingly and authoritatively keeps us in our created position as servants of our King. The general commandment to love helps us to see that life is not about accomplishing tasks for the sake of accomplishing tasks. The purpose of any commandment is love, and love demands intimate and continual relationship with both our Lord and others. The generality of the commandment keeps us connected to Christ. It reminds us we need him every moment.

The Lord may certainly [particularly] call someone to, say, build their house in the hood; but this is only after that person has followed the commandment (by grace) to love his or her neighbor who lives in the hood. In order to love, he or she must live where the object(s) of that love live(s). The precise command to build serves only as a means to meet the greater command to love. And this must always be the case.

With that said, the other reason for the imprecise nature of the second commandment is that it establishes Christ as Lord. It dethrones other masters. If you think about it, other masters (including ourselves) are extremely precise in their commands. Those who are "mastered" by their to-do lists know this truth well. These masters fill our lives with so many tasks that we cannot possibly have time to love others. In some ways we like these masters more than the Lord. Their particular instructions are manageable and controllable. I can build a house. It is a concrete, doable command.

It's a whole lot more convenient than loving the Mexican immigrant I pass by as I walk into Lowe's to buy light fixtures. Buying the fixture for the house is controllable. But the immigrant may ask me for work, money, food, time or whatever. If I stop to "love" him, I must relinquish all control of my life. If I follow the command to love, I don't call the shots. Someone else, whom I cannot control, does.

But, if I stop to "love" him, I will soon hear the particular ways in which this person needs to be loved. Ironically, if I love him, my to-do list soon fills up.

The general command to love, if we trust our Lord in following it, soon fills our particular list. The best list is the one written by someone else's needs and desires. The best to-dos are those that ultimately end in loving others. The particular commands, however, that end in filling our own selfish desires, will keep us from Christ's greatest commandments. They will ultimately keep us from Christ himself.

Great Video from DG on Marriage - Please Watch...

http://vimeo.com/38033654#